Day 74 - Home Alone

Most of my very worst binges have happened when I was home alone. Yet, today I am home alone all day long but I know, with absolute certainty, that I won't binge today. It's not even a remote possibility. So why is this?

Here are the reasons I will not binge today...

1) I have had a great week, and I am weighing in tomorrow morning and I don't want to mess it up!
2) I have a 10km race tomorrow morning and if I binge today, I will have an wonky stomach and it will make me sluggish.
3) I feel strong and thin right now and I am wearing my skinny jeans!

And on the days when I have binged, here are some of the conditions that are usually present....

1) My next weigh in is several days away and I convince myself I will have time to "reverse the damage"...
2) I have maybe already gone over my calorie allowance that day, for a planned special occasion or a meal out, so I have that "what the hell, I've already messed up my day" attitude...
3) I didn't exercise that day.

What this tells me is this: Maybe I should weigh myself more frequently; perhaps when I have a planned treat like a restaurant meal, I should be careful to not be alone after; and plan to exercise on days that I know I will be overeating. Sounds easy... but if you are reading this blog, you probably know that it is NOT!

Since I will be away for the weekend, and I will miss my weigh-in on Monday... I have decided to weigh myself on Saturday morning before I leave, and on Tuesday morning when I am back home. I will record the lowest of the two weights here for my "weigh-in".... but at least by weighing on Tuesday I might avoid having that free for all attitude over the weekend!

I ate well yesterday, except for my dessert after dinner... I had 17 Reese's Malt Balls!! It was planned, and it fit into my calories for the day, but I know they were empty calories. Sometimes, you just need to eat empty calories though.. for the fun of it! And boy were they good!! I counted them out and put them in a little bowl, and while I was savouring them with my coffee after dinner, I thought to myself: usually, when I eat a treat like this, it is while I am hidden in a corner, or in the basement - stuffing them in my face, as fast as a I can... and boy were they ever better eaten slowly, with the coffee out in the open and with NO GUILT ATTACHED!

After dinner, before my snack, I ran 6km in about 38 minutes.

Day 73 - Part Time Vegetarian

I think I've written in a previous post about how I eat less meat as a strategy to reduce calories. I could never cut out meat completely, because I love it way too much, but I exist perfectly happily eating LESS meat. I rarely have meat at breakfast or lunch, and at dinner I limit my portion size to around 100g and fill my plate up with veggies and healthy grains.

Somehow, I have managed to convince my husband that a weekly "vegetarian" night for the family is a good idea (or at least not a horrible idea). I have to say he was a little reluctant - and I found this exasperating! I had to promise not to feed him tofu or anything "strange"! He could still have meat at lunch if he wants, but I want to cook a vegetarian meal for the family once a week. Last night was our first vegetarian night!

I made this recipe: Penne with Roasted Tomatoes, Garlic and White Beans.

I reduced the olive oil, but other than that I made it the same. My husband and kids loved it! Although, I thought it was pretty funny that my husband went back for a second full size serving (he doesn't usually eat that much). I think it was psychological... he "thought" he was still hungry or should get more just because there was no meat... lol. He probably ended up with more calories than usual, so the whole vegetarian thing might not work out as well for him!

Here is what my day looked like. I went for a 5km run after dinner.

Day 72 - Away for Weekend

There is a long weekend coming up here, and we have plans to be out of town for the three days. This is my first "vacation challenge" since I started losing weight back in May.

We are going to a cottage with a bunch of friends. We all bring our tents and camp around our friend's cottage... and we generally all bring our own food and snacks. My strategy for the weekend is to basically pack the exact same foods that I would eat at home. I will measure everything out at home, so I don't have to measure and weigh things in front of an audience. The only thing I will do differently than at home... is drink. I won't drink any alcohol until after dinner... some of our friends drink beer, literally, ALL day long at the cottage. Not me! I will drink club soda during the day, and light beer at night. I won't get too hung up on the calories in the beer (a girl's gotta have some fun once in a while).

I will try to get in some exercise too. Saturday morning, before we head up, I am running in a 10km race (that should take care of Saturday's beer!). Sunday, I will try to swim and stay active. Monday, we are coming home, so I probably won't do any drinking that day... and I will try to run when I get home. I am missing my 16km training run since I will be away from home on Sunday... so I really should try to make up for it...

Also... I am going to miss my weigh in on Monday morning because I am not bringing my scale camping! I have been "weighing" my options:

1 - Weigh myself on Tuesday when I get home. Pro: it is closer to my actual weigh-in day and it will help keep me accountable on the weekend. Con: I might not like what I see on the scale after all that beer!

2 - Weigh myself on Saturday morning before I leave. Pro: it will give me until the following Monday (9 days) to recover and get all that beer out of my system before I have to weigh again. Con: It might make me feel like I have license to be BAD!

I can't decide what to do. I am leaning towards #2, because I feel pretty strong and don't think I will go completely crazy. Likely, I will end up weighing myself at both times (Friday and Tuesday), and recording the best weight of the two here... lol - is that cheating?

Last night I made some yummy quesadilla's for dinner. I love quesadilla's and you can make them very healthy at home, I sprayed the outside with a touch of cooking spray and browned them in the oven. I put some white beans in mine, but the rest of the family had roasted chicken leftover from Sunday night's dinner. Here is what it all looked like:

Day 71 - Snacks for Dinner

Last night was my monthly bookclub meeting. It was my sister-in-laws turn to host, and I had been worrying about it a bit all weekend... my sister-in-law isn't known for her calorie conscious baking and cooking. Sure enough, she made some delicious looking individual sized desserts with ladyfingers and nutella and praline crisp and cream and chocolate (WHOA!). It was hard, but I decided not to have one... I hope I didn't insult her! They looked way too big, and I estimate they were probably around 500 calories each. I just didn't have room in my day for it! It wasn't an exercise day for me either.

She left me the extras, so I have 6 of them in my freezer. Maybe I will try one on a day that I am doing a long run!

I did very well with the dinner. There was a buffet style feast of veggie sticks, crackers, pita, dips and cheeses. I just took one dinner sized plate full and had no seconds. I counted the amounts I was taking in my head so I would remember later for logging. I didn't write anything down in front of people - I'm a little self conscious about that... and it always seems to bring out all sort of unwelcomed comments like "You don't need to lose weight"... or "loosen up, everyone needs to have treats once in a while..."

When I did sit down later to log it all, I had done very well. My judgement of amounts was pretty good. I was within 2 calories of my target for the day.

It was really a treat to have some of those snacky things, like cheese and crackers for a change. I don't really work snacks into my planning very often, because I prefer to save my calories for bigger meals. But by doing it this way... having snacky food for my meal, I was able to have a little more and really enjoy it!

Here is what it looked like:

Day 70 - Calorie Incinerator

Yes, that's me... I'm a calorie incinerator!!

Yesterday, I ran 14km, in about 1.5 hours. According to my GPS, I burned 1059 calories, and my heart rate monitor said 986.... Although I like the idea of burning over 1000 calories, I'll go with the heart rate monitor total, as it is based on more than just a formula, and is probably more accurate.

This was funny... I ate a good breakfast, grapefruit, scrambled eggs, toast with jam... and I had a granola bar right after my run. So I came home and entered it all into Calorie King (my run and my food so far)... it was MINUS 376... and it told me I still had over 1600 left to eat for the day... LOL. I don't think I've ever been negative before. Although all that exercise might have been an excuse to go overboard, I didn't. I just added small extras into my regular meals, and had ice cream with blueberry sauce for dessert.

I weighed in this morning, and was down from last Monday (but not down from Thursday morning when I weighed myself before my BINGE!!)... oh well. Still down overall, and you really can't expect to binge like that with impunity!

Here is my food from yesterday:

Day 67 - Don't ever let yourself get too COCKY!!

Just when I think I have this binging thing licked, it comes out of nowhere and bites me in the ass!!

I had a HORRIBLE day yesterday. Actually, I had a great day, up until about 7pm, the time of our reservation at a trendy little Italian Restaurant. After that, I completely crumbled!

The most embarrassing part was that after we got home from the restaurant, and I had finished eating my big meal, with dessert.... while my husband was upstairs putting the kids to bed, I ate more!! I wasn't even hungry, and I can't even articulate why I did it... but I did.

Had I ended my day after the restaurant meal I would have racked up 2145 calories (high, but not unreasonable for a meal out), but I didn't, I continued on and ate 914 more calories after I got home!!!

Let's work through the day to see if I can identify what happened to derail me so much...

I tried to pare down my breakfast and lunch slightly to accommodate more calories at dinner (not drastically, but a little). When I got home from work at about 4:30, my plan was to exercise for an hour. I got on my elliptical trainer and did about 5 minutes, I was HUNGRY, and had absolutely no energy... so I gave up on it (mistake #1?).

Because I was so hungry, and dinner was still hours away, I decided to have a snack. I was already feeling the urge to have something naughty at this point... but I resisted, I ate a plum and a half a cucumber.

At the restaurant, I decided to have what I want (within reason). Somebody else ordered a tray of shared appetizers, and I had a small amount (a few zucchini sticks, a few pieces of calamari and I split a slice of bruschetta with my husband). I had a piece of bread from the breadbasket, but I used butter (from one of those little packets) instead of the oil and vinegar (even though I prefer the oil and vinegar) because the butter is easier to portion and measure out.

For dinner, I avoided anything with a cream sauce which was hard at this restaurant (the chef really likes cream, apparently) and I had veal marsala. Everyone else was getting dessert, but I didn't get my favorite (tiramisu)... instead, I had ice cream which is easier to count, and my husband had a few bites.

Oh... and I had a glass of wine.

Ironically, if I hadn't binged when I got home, and had the tiramisu (which I really wanted), I probably still would have come in with less calories then I did. Of course there would have always been the danger that I would have had the tiramisu and still binged, which would have been even worse again.

So, when no was looking at home, I ate a few of those things I'm always craving, but rarely indulge in (because I have trouble controlling myself).... dates stuffed with peanut butter, reese's pieces, cookies... etc...

I went to bed feeling uncomfortable and angry with myself.

If there is a silver lining at all to any of this... here are a couple of positive's

- Some of my past binges have been much worse!
- I did make OK choices at the restaurant (given what I had to work with).
- I was doing very well already this week, and I have three full days before weigh in to address any damage.
- When I woke up this morning, I still felt thin, and looked the same as yesterday, and my jeans still fit (e.g. one bad day doesn't make you fat... only if you string them together).
- I am back on track today, and I have long run planned tonight.
- Maybe it will shock my metabolism into speeding up?? (that one might be a stretch... or just wishful thinking! lol)

Well that's it... I can't think of anything else that's positive from this.

In the spirit of full disclosure... even thought I'm horribly ashamed of it... here is what I ate yesterday in BLACK and WHITE!!!

Day 66 - I did it again!

Well, I am going out for dinner in a restaurant tonight (sigh)... I don't even want to, I'd much rather eat at home. I have a ton of beautiful fresh veggies in the fridge that I need to use up! But, we were invited, and "I don't want to eat too many calories" doesn't seem like a very nice reason to refuse a dinner invitation.

So, I did it again... I couldn't help myself.... I weighed myself this morning. It's like I want to get the "good" number before I go and mess it all up! Well, I weighed 141.4 ?!?!?!? huh??? On Monday (three days ago!) I weighed 144.4! Three pounds in three days! Monday must have been a "false" high or something... very strange.

So anyway, here's my dilemna. Do I try to be REALLY good at dinner, and stay under my calorie target for the day (I would have about 600 calories available for dinner... not a lot for a restaurant). Or, do I take another unplanned "free day". I kind of want to do the "free day".... I would still have Fri-Sun to be good before my official weigh-in on Monday, and I am obviously (according to my interim weigh-in) doing well this week. BUT, it just seems like a bit too close to my "free meal" that I took last Friday night (less than a week apart)... and I really don't want to be left with that guilty, regret feeling after you overeat...

I don't even know what restaurant we are going to yet (somebody else is picking) so it is very very hard to plan! To top it all off, today was supposed to be my "rest day" from exercise. Not a good idea to take your rest day the same day as a big restaurant meal. But, I ran 5km yesterday and the day before. I don't want to overdo it, because I have a big 14km distance coming up on Sunday.

Phew... I have a lot of issues, don't I??

Here's what I ate yesterday... a good day. When I got home from my run after dinner, I sat down and entered all my food into Calorie King... and low and behold, I was about 150 calories too low for the day (LOVE IT when that happens)... I wasn't that hungry, but I just don't like seeing less that 1200, especially when its a running day, so I had a snack before bed. I didn't feel hungry before I made the snack, but once I took a few bites, I realized that I WAS hungry afterall... and I could have eaten my snack times 10!!!

Day 65 - Update

I heard back from my sister-in-law... they want to go out for dinner TOMORROW night..... and THEY are picking the restaurant.... please give me strength!!!

Day 65 - Upsets and Obstacles

My sister-in-law e-mailed yesterday because she wanted to get together with us tonight, her brother is in town and she wants us to meet him. My first inclination was to just invite them over for dinner, but frankly my house is a mess, and I just don't have time to clean it for tonight! So, I e-mailed back and suggested that we all get together for dinner at a restaurant (pizza or something). This is actually the last thing that I want to do tonight! I want to eat good! I was planning on doing lunch out on Friday with my co-workers this week (because I've been turning them down for WEEKS!!)...

I still haven't heard back from her, so I don't really know what's going on with dinner. I took my planned pork tenderloin out the freezer this morning "in case"... This is the sort of thing that just gets to me. Yes, I want to see them and Yes, I want to meet her family... but WHY does it always have to be at the expense of healthy eating plan!!

If we end up going, I will just have to manage. I will order a thin crust, vegetarian pizza, light on the cheese... and eat my own separate from everyone else's!

Yesterday, I did very well. I tried making coconut rice using a canned coconut juice with pulp. It was sweetened, so the rice turned out a little too sweet for my liking, but it was still good. I walked to the gym for weight training (15 minute brisk walk, and 60 minutes of weights), and then I ran home taking a longer 5km route (30 minutes).

Here is my food (I had a bagel with peanut butter and banana for breakfast as a treat - YUMMMO!)

Day 64 - Weigh-In

So, as I've already written about several times... last week I had two meals out in restaurants. This made me a little nervous as I didn't want to mess up my weigh-in (normally scheduled for Mondays). So to try to lessen my anxiety, I weighed myself Thursday morning, before my first lunch out, then Friday morning before my second meal out, and then again on my regular Monday (yesterday).

Here is what it looked like:



I like to track things like this. I still lost weight even after my lunch out for Pad Thai on Thursday.... but I was very very careful about my lunch and dinner, and I probably still had a deficit for the day. On Friday, I ate a lot of food at dinner (close to 2000 calories). No deficit (apparently). Still, if I had not weighed myself AT ALL midweek last week, and just weighed in on Monday (like I am supposed to) I would have been down 1.6lbs and I would have been pretty happy about that. Overall, I think this is good, to eat a huge meal like I did on Friday, and still lose for the week is OK in my books. It's obvious though, had I not splurged, I would have recorded a bigger loss. I think that this bodes well for maintenance. It just proves that you can have your treats within reason and not gain all your weight back. WITHIN REASON being the important part!! :-)

Here is what I ate yesterday...

Day 63 - Survived the Free Meal!

Every Sunday morning I have toast made with my homemade bread. LURVE the toast! Sadly though the toast doesn't seem to tide me over until lunch as well as cereal or oatmeal. Since I've been training for my half marathon, my long runs fall on Sunday mornings and my toast doesn't provide quite enough fuel. I've toyed with the idea of switching my toast morning to Saturday instead, but what I tried this week was having two scrambled eggs with my toast. It made for a higher calorie breakfast (535), but when you burn 850 calories running 12km right afterwards, I'm not sure that's very big issue!!

So, from now on, I will be rocking the Toast and Scrambled Eggs on Sunday mornings!!!

My weekend was good. I went out for "date night" with my husband on Friday, and by all estimates, I consumed about 2273 calories that day. I have no idea whether I estimated the calories for dinner well, I felt like I was eating about 3000 calories at dinner alone... Here's what I had:

Drink: 1 Mojito (and then I switched to Perrier)

Appetizer #1: Vegetarian Gyozas (there were 4 but I gave one to my husband)
Appetizer #2: Edamame (split with my husband)

Main Course: Grilled Flank Steak with plain steamed rice and some tempura vegetables and shrimp with a miso cream sauce (very yummmy - steak was lean and small portioned, a couple tablespoons of cream sauce and about 3/4 cup rice and 6 pieces of tempura, I gave a slice of steak to my husband and then cleaned my plate.)

Dessert: Tempura Banana and Ice Cream (shared with husband - so 1/2 banana and 1/2 scoop ice cream)

I tried not to have any more "splurges" for the rest of the weekend, but I did a lot of exercise so I didn't want to go too low, either (Saturday - 1393 calories) and Friday (below):

Day 60 - Free Meal

Before I get into this post, I just want to take a moment to say... TWO MONTHS WOO HOO!!

Yesterday, I went out to lunch at a Thai restaurant, and although I ate a MOTHERLOAD of calories, I think I had a good day overall... I weighed myself yesterday morning and then again this morning and I was down 0.8 of a pound (over the day), so to me that means I didn't do any damage. The reason I am so happy about that is because, I am going out for dinner tonight, and I wanted to feel OK about having a "free meal".

I know that in my post earlier this week, I said that I don't take weekly planned "cheat meals"... and that is true, I don't. But I do relax on my plan sometimes, when the occasion calls for it. Tonight, I am going to a really nice "Asian Fusion" restaurant ALONE with my husband (no kids! Which is RARE)... and while I don't want to go crazy, I do want to just eat what I want. An appetizer, a meal, and maybe even a dessert (if I have room). Plus a glass of wine!

I don't want to have to scour the menu to pick the LEAST BAD options. I just want to have what I WANT to have. It's a fancy restaurant, so portions will be on the small side anyway.

Do I sound to everyone like I am trying to rationalize or justify being bad? That's how I sound to myself. But I think that's a bad attitude, I am not going to be "bad", this isn't bad, I am just going to have a reasonable, enjoyable meal, that will probably be higher in calories than my normal meals. But I will be right back to normal Saturday morning!

Here is my food from yesterday. The calories for the thai food is just a guestimate, but I think it's probably close. I looked at a bunch of different restaurant sources (that post nutritional info and serve Pad Thai). I also just tried breaking down the ingredients (i.e. 1.5 cups cooked egg noodles, 3 med sized shrimp, 2oz pork, 1 egg, 2 tbsp crushed peanuts, 2 tbsp oil for frying etc etc). Obviously, I had to guess the amounts, but after so long counting and measuring my food, I think I have a pretty good eye for these things. I also have no idea how much oil they used for frying, but 2 tbsp for one serving would be a lot, so I went with that to be safe.

I also went running after work (before dinner). Usually, I wouldn't be able to run at this time of day, because I would be low on fuel, but I guess my nice big "carby" lunch tided me over and fueled my 7.5km run beautifully... then I had the bowl of cereal right before bed so that I wouldn't go to sleep hungry.

Day 59 - Pad Thai - DAMN IT!!

I'm having Pad Thai for lunch today, and THAT's THAT!!!

I haven't had a treat, or a "high" day since June 22! I've been invited to lunch today with a girlfriend and we are going to a Thai restaurant. Thai food is one of those things that seems healthy because there are lots of veggies etc... and I suppose that it IS good for you, it can also just be very caloric! Some say that Pad Thai is one of the things you should avoid at Thai restaurants (and I know that a clear soup with veggies and shrimp would be better), but Pad Thai is one of my favorites. I spent a little time yesterday on the internet trying to figure out just how BAD it really is (Bad Thai? LOL). The thing I learned is, if made traditionally, like it is in Thailand, it is probably not that bad. Pad Thai should have - rice noodles, some protein (shrimp, tofu, chicken etc), egg, bean sprouts, fish sauce, tamarind, garlic, dried chili, lime, sugar, crushed peanuts and some oil for stir frying (give or take a few ingredients depending on the recipe). I guess the key is the amount of oil that used, and the amount of peanuts that are heaped on top...

I found a range of nutritional information from about 350 calories (too low!) to over 2000 calories at Boston Pizza (probably not very authentic). Since I am ordering a lunch sized portion, I am going to guess for my logging that mine will be about 700 calories (I may adjust depending on how greasy it seems to be and how big the portion is)...

So, my plan is: 300 for breakfast, 700 for lunch, 300 for dinner. If the meal is HUGE (and I suspect its closer to 1000 calories), I will eat half for lunch, and save half for dinner: 300 breakfast, 500 lunch, 500 dinner.

Honestly, I wouldn't worry about it at all, except that my husband and I have a "date night" planned for tomorrow night at a fancy restaurant, and I was kinda planning to splurge then too!!! And I know from experiences that splurges (which are different from binges!!) aren't harmful unless you let them pile up back to back...

Here is what I ate yesterday:

Day 58 - Nutrition

I have some general rules when it comes to my eating regime and nutrition. In general I am not a nutrition nut, but I am mindful of certain things... like achieving some balance, and making sure I get plenty of certain nutrients. Here are some of my "general rules".

1. Eat less meat. I could never go completely vegetarian, because I love meat too much - every kind! But I rarely make meat the focus of my meals. I have small portions of meat (usually 100 grams, cooked) and fill the rest of my plate with less calorie dense foods. I eat all types of meat, but predominantly fish/shellfish and poultry. Meat is usually only included in my dinner (rarely my lunch, and never my breakfast), and a couple of days a week I eat no meat at all. Meat is calorie dense and taking a vegetarian day here and there, gives you some flexibility in other areas for a change up (like having peanut butter - hmmm).

2. Avoid drinking calories. This includes smoothies, I am "anti-smoothie", I know they may be healthy, but I like to CHEW my food! I do put a "splash" of skim milk in my coffee and I don't log it (GASP!). But I figured it out once, I use 1/2 tbsp of skim milk per cup of coffee and this works out to 12 calories per day maximum. I also drink Green Tea with my lunch everyday, and low sodium club soda with my dinner. My only exception to this is alcohol and I limit this to wine and light beer on special occasions.

3. Eat whole grains. I try whenever possible to eat whole grain foods. Monday to Friday, my lunch includes 100% whole wheat breads (usually flatbreads or bagels). My only exceptions are sourdough bread on weekends (I have heard that white sourdough is better than regular white bread, but I'm not sure what the scientific basis for that is..) and rice, I just really don't like brown rice... it's too chewy... but I don't eat a ton of rice (maybe once a week), so I stick to white because I like it better (see #4, below).

4. Never eat anything I don't like. When you have a limited calorie budget, there is no room to eat food that you don't absolutely LOVE. I have over the years developed "go to" low calorie breakfasts/lunches that I love and which fill me up, and I pretty much stick with the formula that works.

5. Pay attention to macro-nutrients breakdowns (but not obsessively). In general I only count calories. Period. Not fat, not carbs - nothing else. It is almost impossible to eat TOO much fat, if you are on a calorie budget anyway (not if you want to feel satisfied). I often think back over the day when I'm planning dinner to make sure I've had veggies, grains, protein, etc. But I don't count. Using Calorie King, I averaged my nutrient breakdown over the last three months, and it looks like this: 55% carbs, 17% protein, 28% fat. I am very happy that I achieved that balance without counting anything but calories, and using common sense.

That's pretty much it, aside from some other small things. I exercise consistently. I stick to my calorie target (1300) whenever I can. I don't plan free days, or cheat meals (then I overeat just for the sake of it, because my "plan" says I should). But, if I have a special occasion, I don't worry about going over. I have in the past had trouble with binging, and I try to avoid things that may trigger binges. I take a multivitamin every morning, and I have recently started taking a calcium supplement, because I think I may be a little shy of 1000mg of calcium a day.

Here is my food from yesterday. I had planned to make couscous for dinner, but I was out, so I tried the same recipe with bulgur instead. Boy was it good! And, I've discovered that bulgur is slightly lower in calories than rice or couscous so I was able to have a little more! Bulgur is high in protein and fiber, and low in fat! 1/2 cup of cooked bulgur has 76 calories, 3g protein, 4g fiber and less than 1g of fat.

Day 57 - Makes me Wonder

Get your own graph at skinnyr

One thought that usually keeps me going the entire way through my weight loss effort is the hope that when I am at my goal weight, that I might be able to figure out my appropriate calorie intake for maintenance, and that my calorie intake might be a little higher than what I am eating during weight loss.

Right now, my calorie target is 1300 per day, and if I average my intake out since day one on this eating plan, I've averaged 1389 per day (77791 divided by 56 days). This even includes a few days of serious over-indulgences. I am hoping that when I reach maintenance I will be able to increase the average to somewhere between 1600-1800.

But here is what makes me wonder... I weighed myself Friday and Saturday mornings and weighed 145.8 and 145.4, respectively. I was really good with my eating both days (in the 1200's). On Sunday morning, again 145.4. Great! Then on Sunday, I did a 10km run, burned a TON of calories, and I ate a little more (1425). I KNOW that I still had a calorie deficit that day! 1425 less the calories I burned running for 65 minutes?? Had to have been a deficit, right??

So Monday morning, I get on the scale... 146.0 (up more than 1/2 pound). Don't get me wrong, this doesn't really bother me, but it DOES make me curious.... what will happen when I try to increase my calories to about 1400-1500 everyday? Because that is what it will take to get an average of about 1600 (to account for occasional high days). If I ate another 1425 today, what would happen? Another small gain? And then another tomorrow? Does that mean, I can't EVER eat that much? (that is a sobering thought).

This is something that I really need to sort out, if I have any hope of making this weight loss stick! I have to learn to regulate my weight, and make adjustments as I go along. But my adjustments have to be in response to overall trends, not daily fluctuations... I need a system, and a plan!

Here is what I ate yesterday, we had some yummy grilled halibut for dinner. For dessert we had angel food cake (which is VERY low cal) and ice cream. I made a compote of stewed rhubarb to spoon over the ice cream. It was delicious!

Day 56 - Feelin' Skinny!!

I had another great weekend (I'm really on a roll) and I am feeling thin! I'm at the point now where I know I don't really look seriously overweight anymore. Although I still have about 10-15lbs to lose... they are mostly vanity pounds. My current height and weight puts me in a pretty normal, healthy category. So although, I will keep going until I hit my target, I am feeling pretty good.

I navigated the weekend very well. I had a dinner out at my Mom and Dads, I kept my breakfast and lunch on the low side, since I didn't know what they would serve. They made a big turkey dinner with all the fixins, but I limited my portions, and they served fresh fruit for dessert, which was great. It was higher than my usual dinner, but it was a training day for me, and I did a 10km run in the morning. My GPS tells me that I burned 775 calories (based on a formula using my age and weight) so to me this means I can eat a little extra... even if the calorie burn estimate is high (which I suspect it is...).

Here is my weekend recap:

Friday: 1284 Calories, ran 7km
Saturday: 1228 Calories, 60 minutes strength training
Sunday: 1425 Calories, ran 10km

Here is my food from yesterday:

Day 53 - Friday Lunch

Yes, I know I have two "Day 53's" in a row, but I think I must have miscounted or skipped a day at some point. TODAY is the REAL day 53!!

There is a bit of a tradition at work that a bunch of people go out for lunch every Friday. I can never decide whether to go or not. Here are the pros and cons to going out for lunch:

Pros
1. Get to socialize with my coworkers
2. They don't think I'm a dud that gets really BORING whenever she's on a diet.
3. Don't have to come up with some lame excuse as to why I can't go (so I don't have to SAY I'm on a diet).
4. I am probably a bit overdue for a "splurge meal".

Cons
1. I generally only allow one "splurge" meal per week, and I would probably prefer to save it for the weekend (going to my Mom's for dinner on Sunday night).
2. There is probably no restaurant they could pick where I would enjoy the food as much as the lunch I have packed for myself (toasted bagel with Peanut Butter and Banana, a juicy peach, yoghurt and a granola bar).
3. I don't want the food that I packed for myself to go to waste.
4. Splurging on Fridays has in the past caused a weekend tailspin of binging.
5. It will be hard to count the calories.

There you go, that pretty much sums up my internal struggle. I'd love to go with them, but I'd rather eat my own lunch...

Anyway, I'll add an edit to this post later with an update on my decision...

I had a good meal day yesterday. I was planning barbequed scallops for dinner. Which I thought was a low calorie meal. But then I started planning all the side dishes. I was going to roast the potatoes and snap peas in olive oil, and everything started to add up to too much. So I ended up baking the potatoes and steaming the snap peas, and just adding a tsp of light butter to each at the end. The funniest part was, when all was said and done and I sat down after dinner to log everything, I ended up being LOW for the day, so I could have gone ahead and roasted everything in olive oil... oh well. So even though I had some extra calories for the day, I didn't eat them, because we finished dinner at 7:30 and I didn't get hungry for a snack before bed. Also, it was a planned rest day from exercise, so OK to be a little low...



UPDATE: I decided NOT to go our for lunch, and I ate my packed lunch (I feel good about my decision)...

Day 53 - Half Way There

I just realized that I am about half-way to my goal weight of 130. As in times before, when I start creeping up on my goal weight, I start to get anxious about the challenges that lie ahead with maintaining.

I want to be able to increase my calories intake in a controlled way. I think I could be very happy if I could eat between 1600 and 1800 calories everyday and maintain my weight. This is really hard to do though. Somehow, I feel like I've had a bad day if I eat that much (even if I burn it all off through exercise). Another problem that I have is when I start to increase my calories, this invariably leads to a few treats, which can be triggers (binge triggers!!).

I have to deal with this. I HAVE TO. I need a plan. I will work on developping it over the next few months that it will take to get to my goal. Something like this:

1. Increase calories slowly (e.g. add in an extra 500 calories spread over the week, and monitor weight, then repeat...).
2. Increase "weigh ins" from weekly to daily to better deal with lapses quickly.
3. Continue to count calories.
4. Keep up running.

I'm sure I will add more detail to this plan as I move along.

Here is what I ate yesterday. In terms of workouts, I did 60 minutes of weight training, and I ran back and forth to the gym (1.5km each way).

Day 52 - Vacations

I don't know about everyone else, but if there is one thing with the potential to really mess up my healthy eating and exercise routine, it's a vacation. I usually do very well when I am at home in my routine, surrounded by my favorite healthy foods.

When I am on vacation however, all this goes out the window. There is usually less access to my low-fat, low-calories foods PLUS more temptation PLUS that "Hey, I'm on vacation!" attitude.

Normally, when my vacation is a weekend, or even a week, I just deal with the damage when I get home. Longer vacations, however, can do SO MUCH damage that it can be overwhelming. I've been known to gain up to 20 pounds on our annual 2 week vacation in Belize.

So, this is why I am already starting to freak a little about an upcoming vacation. It isn't until December, but we will be gone for a MONTH to New Zealand!!! I should be at my goal weight by then, which will make maintaining my weight that much more challenging.

For one week we will be house guests (so completely at the mercy of somebody else's grocery shopping and cooking)... and then for three weeks we will be travelling and staying in hotels and eating in restaurants. Will I be able to get Almond Milk and Laughing Cow Cheese, and Splenda etc etc? Will I be able to weigh myself? Have access to a computer to log my food? Who knows!!

I'm sure I will be writing lots more on this topic before our trip!!

Here is the food from yesterday. I did well, my Parents came over with takeout, but I suggested a cold roast chicken and salads (better than Pizza or Chinese and easier for me to track).

Day 51 - Weigh In

I am posting from a different computer today, so I don't have access to my fancy dancy little spreadsheet to input my menu from yesterday, but I am going to write about two things today (1) My dinner last night which was FANTASTIC and (2) My Weigh-In yesterday which was FANTASTIC!!

My Dinner

I was on my own for dinner last night, which is usually a chance for me to have something that I love... Yesterday, ALL DAY LONG, I was thinking about what to make for dinner. Sometimes when I am alone for dinner, I have breakfast food (the kind I usually don't actually eat at breakfast - eggs, pancakes, french toast etc) but in the end I settled on a Croque Monsieur with roasted Brussel Sprouts. It was so good! And so BIG and so FILLING. I made the sandwich with 70g sourdough bread, mustard, 50g ham, 1 light cheese slice, and tomato. I soaked it well in 2 egg whites and 2 tbsp of skim milk, and then I fried it in 1 tsp of olive oil (1/2 tsp per side). Then I roasted 150g of brussel sprouts in the oven with another tsp of olive oil. For dessert I had 100g of fresh strawberries with 1 tsp of balsamic vinegar and splenda, and a kozy shack rice pudding. I was STUFFED. All this came to 449 calories!!

My Weigh In

148.4!!! Woo Hoo!! This is going even better than I had anticipated. I think I can credit that to the running and all the calories that burns!! I have told myself that if I ever start losing MORE than 2lbs in a week, then I will up my calories and try maintenance for a week. As exciting as this is.... I don't want to lose too fast. But so far, I think I am still OK....

Day 50 - Take Out Food

Well first of all, I think I had a great weekend. I did a ton of exercise and ate really well. Since I ran 10km on Sunday, I made a batch of homemade strawberry ice cream with strawberries we picked that afternoon. But, sadly, when we went to eat it after dinner, it wasn't frozen enough. So, we had to save it. I had planned for all those calories, so I ended up eating something less. Now I'll have to wait until another high calorie need day to try the ice cream!!

My Mother called yesterday, they want to come by tomorrow night after I get home from work to visit and see the kids. She said they will bring takeout. I know they are just offering to bring dinner because they don't want to put me to a bunch of trouble cooking on a work day... but seriously, I don't want to eat a take out dinner mid week like that! I didn't know what to say, without seeming obsessive, so I just said "OK"... but now I'm stressed about it. Everything is going so well. I just do WAY better when I stay far away from my trigger foods... so why is it that people keep pushing them on me!

The worse part for me, is not being able to track it. Honestly I don't mind that much, eating more calories once in a while, but I want to be able to count them so that my calorie deficit tracking stays accurate. I don't even know what they are bringing, but it will probably be pizza or chinese (both very hard to track accurately). Ugh, maybe I'll swallow my pride and just e-mail and ask them to bring something good (or at least "less bad")...

Here's my weekend recap:

Friday: Calories 1224 (5km run)
Saturday: Calories 1451 (60 minutes weight training; 8km walk)
Sunday: Calories 1348 (10km run)

Here's the food breakdown for yesterday:

Day 46 - Explanations

One of the things that I hate most about being in "weight loss mode" is have to make explanations to people about...why I'm not drinking, why I'm not having dessert, why I'm turning down second helpings etc... Some people can be pushy when it comes to making you have a piece of birthday cake, or drinking... When you tell the truth and say that you're trying to lose weight, you get a variety of reactions. There are those that say, "What? you don't need to lose weight!" (yeah right)... and those that say, "everyone has to treat themselves sometimes" (yes that's true, but not EVERY occasion can be a treat), and then there are those that can be downright surly about it, why they care I do not know, but I can only guess that it might have something to do with guilt (they feel bad about what THEY are eating, when others around them are being mindful)... who knows.

Over the years, I have developed a number of explanations, to explain away the fact that I am not eating/drinking more without having to mention the word "diet" or "weight loss"...

(1) Smile and say "no thank you" (I always try this first, and then resort to one below, if the food pusher persists).

(2) I am the designated driver (this is a GREAT one to avoid drinking and my Husband loves it, because I ACTUALLY am the designated driver, and no one EVER argues with this one).

(3) I am on antibiotics and I can't drink (this is great too because no one EVER asks whats wrong with you...)

(4) I'm full, I couldn't eat another bite (this one sometimes causes some raised eyebrows, because most of my friends know that I can eat my weight in party food, if I want to...)

(5) Food Allegies, lactose intolerance (to avoid pizza) etc (this only works if you are being offered food by people who don't know you well).

BUT... I have now discovered the greatest explanation ever! It is not tied to dieting, or really any lie at all, and people don't question it and it even causes sometimes people to react with admiration...

(6) I'm training for a half-marathon.

This works, most people have NO IDEA what is involved in training for a long run, so they don't question this. And its true that I am careful about what I eat/drink the night before a long run, because I don't want to upset my tummy.

I am going to dinner at my in-laws Saturday night, and doing a 12km run first thing Sunday morning, so I am going to try this strategy on my Mother-in-Law and report back next week.

Yesterday was a good day. It was a light workout day (only 60 minutes of weight training) and I ate well. I made an omelet for dinner.

Day 45 - 10 KM Race

Yesterday, I successfully completed my first 10km race... in 1 hour, 1 minute and 44.1 seconds!! And... the best part... wait for it... I burned 744 calories doing it!!!

It was amazing, I can't even imagine what it will feel like to complete a half marathon, if I EVER get there!!

To treat myself after such an active morning, I ate BBQ chicken for dinner with the SKIN ON!! Wow, what a treat, it was so yummy!

Here's what I ate yesterday (I took advantage of the high calorie need day, to add some extra yummies into my morning pre-race bowl of oatmeal... it kept me full all morning, even after I raced!):