Mommy Your Bum Jiggles

Day 172 - Busy Weekend Ahead

2009-11-06T11:12:00.002-05:00

I've got an incredibly busy weekend ahead of me. With lots of potential eating hazards along the way.

I have successfully gotten through the first one - this morning, my work had a pancake and sausage breakfast for charity. I ate my regular oatmeal at home and just had coffee at the breakfast. Tomorrow night my husband and I have a fancy dinner event at a local hotel. It is an event I usually look forward to all year because the food is just INCREDIBLE. It is usually very "gourmet" which means it will not be "light" but the portions won't be huge either. I plan on just eating whatever I get served, and drinking some wine too!

We are staying over that night at the hotel and then going for breakfast in the morning. I will probably let myself "live a little" at breakfast too, but then I will have a light lunch and dinner. I plan to go for long-ish runs both Sat and Sun (which will help with all the additional calories).

None of this would worry me much, if I wasn't also going away on business Monday and Tuesday (so FOUR more restaurant meals there). I will just try my best to order food that is similar to what I'd eat at home... then back to normal right away...

I didn't have time to do up my food diary from yesterday, but my eating was pretty much "same old same old"... with calories at about 1550, and 45 minutes on the elliptical for my activity...

Have a great weekend!

Day 171 - A Post About Nothing

2009-11-05T07:26:00.000-05:00

Not all my posts can be deep and meaningful... sometimes it is just hard to come up with things to write about! Although I'm sure my husband would tell you I NEVER run out of things to blather on about when it comes to my weight and healthy eating.

Yesterday, Diane suggested that I try adding larger servings of the things I am already eating.... I have already done that a bit, but it's really challenging. I have this hidden fear that if I do that, I will increase my appetite and I will be hungrier all the time.... for example last night, it was vegetarian night at our house and I made a ratatouille with eggplant, zucchini, tomatoes, onion, garlic, red pepper, dates and almonds, which I served over couscous. I took one sixth of the recipe which was a "normal" size plate - about 1/2 cup of couscous with 1.5 cups of ratatouille. Then I had my regular dessert and I was "uncomfortably" full after that. I couldn't possibly have eaten another bite.

This morning, I put peanut butter in my oats. That increases the calories quickly, without making me more full than usual. I also might try just adding one calorie dense treat somewhere in my day (e.g. a couple of cookies for 200 calories or some chocolate would do the trick!)

I do feel like I am getting there slowly. Right from the start, I said that I didn't want to jump to 1800 calories a day right away. I've tried that before and it didn't work for me. So, I am going slow... YES, it's taking way longer than I originally anticipated (mostly because I'm nervous about it), but I'll get there....

Here is my food from yesterday...

Day 170 - Ideas to Add More Healthy Calories

2009-11-04T07:23:00.001-05:00

I am trying to think of some ways that I can add more calories to my diet without eating junk food or trigger foods, and without disrupting my nutrient balance too much (e.g. don't want to add a bunch of carby snacks - which would be my tendency).

The main problem is that I am FULL pretty much all the time.

Breakfast: My normal breakfast which is usually about 400 calories fills me up, so I don't really want/need to add more. I usually eat cold cereal or hot cereal in some form with add ins and half a grapefruit.

Lunch: I've considered substituting a more calorie dense SANDWICH at lunch time, but the truth is, I just LOVE my toasted avocado, laughing cow and tomato sandwich so much that I can't bring myself to make the switch. I added a side dish to my sandwich and my lunch comes to around 500 calories in total. But honestly, I eat SO MUCH food at lunch, somedays it makes me feel overfull, which I don't like. I eat my sandwich, my side dish (veggie soup, veggie sticks or rice crisps), a fruit, a yoghurt and a vitatop...

Dinner: The calories for my dinner vary more, but more often than not, I cook some sort of lean protein (chicken, fish, pork) and pair it with PILES of steamed veggies and either potato or 1/2 cup of rice or couscous. I'll usually add some discretionary calories (e.g. olive oil or butter for potato, dipping sauce for meat, butter in rice etc... depending). My dinner usually comes to around 500 calories including my dessert (normally tapioca or rice pudding).

Snacks: I don't have a set snacking pattern. I usually look at my day, and what I have planned in terms of exercise and add snacks, if I think I'll need them (or if my calories seem low). Most of my snacks are 100-200 calories and my favorites include: Ryvita Crisps with Laughing Cow and sliced apple or grapes; Raw Almonds, Fruit, Popcorn, Hummus and Crackers...

So, it is starting to become apparent that I need to add MORE somewhere. But where and what? How do I add more without (a) changing what I already eat - which I love OR (b) not eating junk food OR (c) not being even more OVERFULL than I already am...

The current times of the day when I would be hungry enough to eat are right after work about 4-5pm before dinner - but I don't like to "spoil my dinner" and I don't let my kids eat then... and I should probably practice what I preach! And right before bed, I'm not usually "hungry" per se, but not full either - I could accommodate a snack. But again, for some reason eating right before I go to bed seems like something I shouldn't make a habit of...

Anyway, something I've noticed is that you should NEVER EVER EVER mention aloud that you are having trouble figuring out how to work enough calories into your diet in order to stabilize your weight... I makes people REALLY ANGRY AND BELLIGERENT... LOL. A friend commented the other day on my weight... one of those "you're wasting away" comments (not said in a nice way), and I said (a little defensively)... "I'm not really trying to lose more weight, but I'm having trouble getting my calories high enough... I've lost about 5 more pounds than I originally intended".... she got REALLY angry.... She was like, well EAT MORE!!!! STOP STARVING YOURSELF!!! Then she starts trying to push some Tim Hortons cookies on me (and I said "no thanks", which seemed to make her MORE ANGRY). I wanted to go on to explain that I was trying to eat more, but in a healthy way... I don't want to eat junk, or more things that come from packages and are high in sodium!! But I didn't - she struggles with some unwanted pounds and I thought it would be best not to say more...

Anyway, here is what I ate yesterday.... I have discovered a new add in for my oatmeal... mashed banana and a tablespoon of brownie mix powder - YES BROWNIE MIX... I know that isn't consistent with ANYTHING I said about about adding HEALTHY calories... but it's SO GOOD, and even I make exceptions sometimes (if its worth it!)...

Day 169 - For the Rest of My Life... REALLY?

2009-11-03T07:15:00.001-05:00

Somedays this maintenance thing seems really easy... eat my regular foods (that I love)... avoid splurges. NO PROBLEM. Although, sometimes when I get to thinking that I have to be careful of my eating for the rest of my life in order to stay slim... I start to get down on myself. But then I realize, there are CERTAIN things that YES, I will have to do for the rest of my life. But there are other things I can stop doing... (not yet though, I really want my body to become used to being 125-130lbs for a while first)...

THINGS I HAVE TO DO FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE:

1. Weight myself every morning. Really, this isn't too onerous, it takes 3 seconds, and it will help me to notice and correct any upward trends early.

2. Eat healthy *most* of the time.

3. Exercise.

4. Avoid Binging. Overeating once in a while (OK), mindless binging when I'm not even hungry (WAY NOT OK).

THINGS THAT I CHOOSE TO DO NOW, THAT I DON'T HAVE TO DO FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE:

1. Counting Calories. Right now this gives me comfort, and I will continue... but as long as I weigh myself everyday, I don't think I also have to count calories - if I decide to stop, I will do so without guilt. Besides, I can always go BACK to counting calories at any time I want.

2. Tracking. My daily ritual of tracking everything I eat, and my weight etc in an excel spreadsheet is fun... but time consuming (and possibly a little obsessive). I could stop that, if I chose to. I think I can remember what weight I'm suppose to be, from day to day without logging and charting it...

3. Blogging. Also time consuming. It helps with the motivation and accountability, but will I do it forever and ever? Probably not.

4. Weighing everything I eat. Similar to counting calories, if my weight stays fairly constant do I really need to keep weighing everything? This one would be hard to stop, because I know it is easy to let those portion sizes slowly creep up. But I could also opt for a mixed approach... e.g. weigh calorie dense items (meat, pasta, rice, cheese, peanut butter), stop weighing vegetables and fruits, stop weighing things that are already portioned out (e.g. a slice of bread, a bagel).

There is probably more that I could add to these lists. But one thing that I don't know if I will ever be able to change, is the way my food intake and my weight is ALWAYS at the forefront of my mind. I can never truly forget about it. It's on my mind, it's always there and it plays into everything I do... sometimes that bothers me... why can't I just go about my life without worrying about what I'm eating, and how much I'm exercising?? Sadly, though, in my experience, if I stop thinking about it and planning everything, it means my guard is down and I've gotten lazy and I will probably start gaining weight...

Here is what I ate yesterday. I have a big weekend coming up (Dinner Event Saturday, Breakfast Out Sunday, Bookclub Sunday, Business Trip Mon-Tues)... so I am trying to bank a few calories this week... (see how I'm THINKING ABOUT IT... GRRR).

Day 168 - Great Halloween and Bunny Pics

2009-11-02T07:15:00.001-05:00

I had a great Halloween weekend, and I want to report that NOT ONE SINGLE piece of candy/chocolate/junk food crossed my lips (and I didn't miss it at all!). Unfortunately, I can't really say the same thing for beer... LOL.

I went to a costume party Saturday night. I ate my dinner RIGHT before we left for the party which started at 8pm, so I wouldn't be hungry (and I wasn't) so I never ate anything from the snack food spread, but I did drink my share of beer (as you can probably tell from the picture below where I am doing the Karaoke thing... not something I would normally do sober!!!). Sorry about the poor quality pics, I grabbed them from a friends facebook page...

Sunday was a good day, we had a lovely pork roast for dinner and I tried a new recipe (Braised Cabbage with Apple and Onion)... it was delicious and I got a HUGE pile of it for only 77 calories!!

I have also discovered something new that I just love doing... since I reached maintenance I have started having something "on the side" with my sandwich at lunch, usually either veggies with dip, rice chips, or soup. I recently invested in a "Magic Bullet" and I have started taking leftover veggies from dinner, throwing them in the bullet - topping it up to make one cup with vegetable broth and then I whiz it up for a fabulous soup! Sunday I had leftover Sweet Potatoes, so I made a Sweet Potato and Apple soup (yum!!). Today I made a soup with the leftover Braised Cabbage. I am finding this kind of soup is a great way to up my veggie intake (and the fullness factor) without adding many calories!

Day 165 - Weekend is Free and Clear

2009-10-30T07:30:00.000-04:00

For the first time in I don't know HOW LONG... I have a weekend coming up that is free and clear of FOOD DANGER ZONES... I get to eat all my meals at home this weekend! We do have a Halloween Party on Saturday night, but it starts at 8pm (so I will eat at home before I go)... and I won't drink because I will be the designated driver anyway... other than that, I get to have my regular meals.

This is great, because for about the next 6 weeks after that, we have something on every single weekend. Next weekend is a biggie - a Fall Dinner Dance related to my husband's work. We usually go to a Pre-Dinner party in somebody's hotel room (lots of yummy appetizers), a gourmet 4 course dinner at the event (with unlimited booze)... then we stay over at the hotel and go out for Sunday brunch the next day... That one will be REALLY hard to navigate!!

Then there are other countless Christmas Parties and Events coming up over the next few weeks. And my husband and I have a gift certificate for a dinner for two at a fancy restaurant that he was given last year as a gift from a work contact. It expires at Christmas... so we have to use it before we leave for New Zealand... YIKES!!!

My eats from yesterday were pretty good. I am finding it really hard to get my calories up. I feel like I am eating ALL day long, and then I sit down at the computer around 9pm and figure it all about and I'm usually under 1500. I want to be eating closer to 1600 (so that I average at about 1700 after the weekends). But it's 9pm, and I just finished dinner, and I don't really like eating just for the sake of it right before I go to bed...

Day 164 - Holy Moly! Another Vacation!

2009-10-29T06:35:00.000-04:00

So my husband is being sent to a work conference in Cabo San Lucas, Mexico and I have the opportunity to go with him for a week at the end of January!!

Awesome! Right? What could possibly be the problem?

OK, obviously I'm not expecting anyone to feel sorry for me....BUT...here's the thing.... you know that 4 week long vacation in New Zealand that is causing me so much stress? The one where I will be eating in restaurants and hotels three meals a day?? Well, I'll get back from New Zealand and I'll have ONE WEEK to get back on track with my routine and then I'll be off to Mexico where: (1) I'm probably going to want to wear a BIKINI and (2) We will be staying at a 5 star all inclusive resort where the food looks fantastic and the drinks are free...

YIKES! This just makes it even more imperative to me that I don't gain weight in New Zealand!! And it is really adding to my stress level... Good new is, that if I can make it through these 5 weeks of vacation unscathed (I am defining unscathed as 5lbs or LESS of weight gain or not going over 130lbs) than I think I can do ANYTHING!

Here is my food from yesterday... I tried a new morning cereal. It's called "Red River Hot Cereal"... the only ingredients are Wheat, Rye and Flax. It has no added sugar, low sodium, 6g of fibre and 6g of protein per serving, and only 150 calories and 3 grams of fat! I was worried because it looked a little like birdseed, but it was really good, the flax seeds stayed crunchy and rest was smooth and creamy! I cooked it in almond milk and added my usual mashed banana and 2 tsp of molasses. It kept me STUFFED until lunch. It's a KEEPER!

I dipped below my "RED LINE" this morning on the scale.... 124.8, so I am going up my calories to an average of 1700 a day...

Day 163 - Halloween is More Fun at Goal Weight

2009-10-28T07:21:00.000-04:00

Every year my friends throw a big costume party at Halloween, and every year, the thought of trying to figure out a costume that wouldn't make me look HUGE filled me with DREAD.

So this year, I was totally and seriously tempted to dress up in something really scandalous and skimpy for Halloween... I mean in the total history of Halloween for me, I'm not sure I've ever been in good enough shape to pull of some skimpy French Maid/Cheerleeder etc costume without looking ridiculous. So, I'm thinking - why not now? I've earned it, right?

So, I went out shopping to a Halloween store and I could NOT believe how slutty 90% of the adult women's costume's were... and I thought...NOPE, NOT FOR ME, NO THANK YOU...

I will still wear something that shows off my figure (e.g. I won't be dressing up as a pumpkin)... but I don't want to look like a tart either...

My idea is for my husband to go as a Magician (cape, top hat, magic wand) and for me to go as a bunny. But the bunny costumes at the store were all "a la playboy bunny"... so all I bought was a set of bunny ears and a white tail. Maybe I will wear them with white shorts, white tights and a white t-shirt..??

Yesterday, I discovered a new amazing snack... it was so good. For 150 calories, I had 2 ryvita crisps with 1 wedge of laughing cow cheese spread on them and then 10 grapes which I sliced in half and arranged on top of the cheese. I also tried a new recipe in my crockpot for dinner. It was sweet potato chili (vegetarian night at our house). Since I had a vegetarian dinner, I had some turkey breast in my grilled sandwich at lunch, it was a nice change...

I've also decided to add my daily exercise at the bottom of my food chart. Just the minutes, not the calories burned (because I don't eat them all back...)

Day 162 - What I am doing differently this time

2009-10-27T07:30:00.001-04:00

First off, I just wanted to report that my weight is back down to normal this morning following the weekend (125.6)... not that I was really worried about it, but getting used to those fluctuations that come as a result of eating a little more every once in a while is one of the hardest parts of weight loss maintenance (for me, anyway...)

If you've been following my blog, you'll know that this is not the first time I have successfully reached my goal weight. And it's pretty early in the game (43 days since hitting goal)... too early for me to confidently declare that THIS time I'm not gaining the weight back.

BUT, I do feel differently this time. 43 days, believe it or not, is longer than I have ever made it before. I tried to sit down and really analyze what I've done this time that was different from the previous times.

1. I am making better food choices: I find that this time around, I am eating like I am still on a diet... I am just eating more. Let me explain. For example, last Thursday night I had an omelet for dinner. I used egg beaters, light cheese, 1 tsp olive oil, lots of veggies. This is EXACTLY the same way I would have prepared my omelet when I was trying to lose weight. But because I am not trying to lose weight, I also added: one slice of whole wheat toast with light butter and sugar free jam, two slices of peameal bacon and a small side salad with no dressing... it was a lot of food. In the past, once I reached maintenance, I would have given myself "license" to make my omelet the "old way"...e.g. real eggs, more cheese, more add ins and more butter/oil for frying. But that would drastically increase the calories in my omelet without increasing the AMOUNT of food that I got to eat... so I would still add side dishes and the end result would be WAY too much of an increase...

2. I am staying in control: Not once since I have been on maintenance this time, have I let one bad meal turn into an entire day/weekend/week of bad meals. This past weekend was a perfect example. I ate too much Saturday night, but it was OK, because I didn't binge when I got home, and I went right back to my normal eating on Sunday. I have gotten much better at just forgiving myself and moving on with it... this is a biggie!!

3. I am not treating every event as a special occassion: It seems like my husband and I always have something on, each weekend (a dinner with friends, wedding, party etc) and I now understand that they are just "meals" and cannot all be excuses to overindulge. So, I will "scan" a month out and see all what occassions I have coming up (we have a lot in November), and they can't all be splurges, so I decide WAY in advance which ones I will treat like regular meals, and which ones can be splurges. And when I say "splurge" that means, a bun from the breadbasket and a dessert - NOT a crazy pigout!

4. I have been weighing myself EVERY day: This is all about refusing to pull the wool over my own eyes! Even when I am pretty sure I will be "up" because I overate at dinner the night before. No excuses, no denial. Just face it, and move on...

Those are the biggies. I mean sure there are other things I am doing... like sticking to my exercise and my proven routine and "go to meals" monday to friday. I follow my food rules almost religiously. I let myself have the treats, for example, every Sunday morning for breakfast, I have toast with butter and jam and scrambled eggs and I look forward to that ALL week long.

Here is my food from yesterday. I was inspired by Finding Radiance to try an egg sandwich on waffles for breakfast and boy was it good! My kids loved them too. It kept me pretty full until lunch (not quite as full as oatbran or oatmeal, but full enough!).

Day 161 - Did I Slip Up?

2009-10-26T07:41:00.000-04:00

I'm up about one pound after the weekend... did I slip up? I don't really think so. I have to keep reminding myself, that I'm not actually on a DIET anymore...I can relax just a bit!

Remember the plan that I talked about on Friday for my Italian Restaurant meal? Well, I really did TRY to stick to it... and it kind of makes me angry when you do everything possible to order the healthiest meal, and then the waiter puts it down in front of you, and its covered in cheese, or has a cream sauce that wasn't mentioned on the menu!! I should probably start sending stuff like that back, but I don't like to be difficult... especially when we are out with other people.

First off, I ended up having a piece of bread from the bread basket... I hadn't intended to, but it's usually my favorite part of meal out and a treat that I THOUGHT would be OK... and it would have been, if the rest of my dinner had been what I was expecting!! I ordered the shrimp cocktail which on the menu said "traditional shrimp cocktail with horseradish sauce". I assumed I would get the red cocktail sauce they usually serve with this dish. I got a mayonnaise based sauce, and it was dumped over the shrimp and the lettuce, not served on the side for dipping. The seafood linguini was drizzle with oil - LOTS of it, I could tell... and I had one glass of red wine.

All in all it wasn't the end of the world. When we got home, my husband left to drive the sitter home, and I thought to myself... In the past, I would have gone and ate a whole bunch of crap/chocolate/peanut butter/cookies right now, since he's not here to see me, and I had already "messed the day up anyway"... but I didn't this time, I wasn't even tempted, and I consider that a small victory.

I was 2 lbs up Sunday morning, and 1 lb up this morning. I'm sure I'll even back out the rest of the week.

The thing that REALLY worries me about this experience is this: what does this mean for my 4 week trip to New Zealand in December?? I will be eating three meals a day in restaurants. When you have one bad meal a week in a restaurant, its not a big deal because you go back to your usual routine the next day, and it doesn't stay with you. But I won't have the opportunity to go back to my regular routine for a MONTH... and obviously even when I TRY to make the very best choices in restaurants, it doesn't always turn out as expected!!

Anyway...not a big deal this past weekend, but I am really stressed about New Zealand...

Here is what I ate yesterday (on Sunday)... I ate a little less than usual to compensate, and I ran a 10km (and shaved 10sec off my previous 10km race, I did it in 50:33).

Day 158 - My Sense of Calm

2009-10-23T06:47:00.000-04:00

I am finding that as time goes on, my sense of calm and my confidence in being able to maintain this weight loss is growing. For example, I have two meals out this weekend. I am eating out for lunch today with a friend at a Thai Noodle house, and tomorrow night, we are going out to dinner with my Parents and my brother and his girlfriend at an Italian Restaurant (their restaurant choice).

In the past, this would have gotten me into a HUGE panic... but not now. I know that today at lunch I can make an OK choice, and if I don't, I will scale back my dinner to compensate. For the Italian Restaurant, I have already scoured the menu and made my choices. At first I was disapointed that they don't have any grilled fish, or plain grilled chicken with vegetables on the menu. But, you know what, it's OK I can work with what they have. I have two plans depending on my mood when I get there...

Plan A: Appetizer - Shrimp Cocktail; Dinner - Vegetarian Pizza (ask for reduced cheese and take half the pizza home).

Plan B: Appetizer - Mixed Green Salad (dressing on the side); Dinner - Seafood Linquini in a Red Pepper and Tomato Sauce (eat all the seafood and about 1 cup of the pasta).

See how easy it is? I guarantee, whichever Plan I choose, I will enjoy my dinner because (a) even though it won't be the most caloric thing on the menu, it will still be GOOD, (b) I didn't have to cook it myself!! (c) I won't have to do dishes and (d) I will enjoy the atmosphere and the company of my family!!

Here is what I ate yesterday, my husband had a dinner engagement, so I enjoyed breakfast food for dinner (my favorite!)...

Day 157 - Motivation to Run

2009-10-22T07:32:00.001-04:00

I find that as the evenings grow colder, and darker... it is getting harder and harder to find the motivation to get out for a run.

I have been trying to run right after work, before dinner when it is still bright outside. But, sometimes (like yesterday) I just couldn't do it, because I was too hungry. I'm a real wimp when it comes to exercising on an empty stomach...

So, I had to eat dinner and THEN go for my run after. By 7pm it was dark, and chilly and raining. But, I did it (8km, 45 minutes) and once I got home, I felt great and I was so glad I went. I don't think anything ever felt as good as peeling off my wet running clothes and getting in the hot shower, but MAN OH MAN, was it ever hard to get myself out there to begin with... I bribed myself with a snack (if I run, I can have a bedtime snack, and if I don't run... I have to skip it!)

Makes me wonder how I'll do when it's minus 20C and there is snow on the ground... I've already gone out and spent quite a bit of money on some proper winter running gear, so hopefully that investment will provide a little motivation...

Here is my food yesterday. Yes, I put baby good (pureed prunes) in my morning oatmeal... it was very good!

Day 156 - Charting Progress

2009-10-21T07:32:00.001-04:00

I love creating little charts and gizmos to record and track my progress, and I could spend countless hours doing so (it's OK, it's time well spent...I could be EATING instead!!). I have created the line graph below to illustrate my weight fluctuations since I hit maintenance.

The red line on the chart represents my danger zone weight (130), if I touch that line, my plan is to go back into diet mode until I'm below. The blue line is my actual weight, see it going up and down? The green line is the "trend line". According to this "trend line", if I continue to eat and excercise as I have been, on December 16, 2012, I will weigh ZERO. I might have to buy another new wardrobe...

Seriously, though I really don't want to dip below 125... (I should add another red line on my chart at 125)... everytime I hit that line, I increase my calories to adjust...

Day 155 - My Calorie Intake

2009-10-20T06:44:00.001-04:00

It occured to me, that since I always post my food diary each weekday, but I almost never get around to doing so on the weekends, it probably LOOKS like I eat far fewer calories than I do, and my diet must look pretty boring - same thing day in, day out. Right now, I am targeting an AVERAGE of about 1600 per day over the week, but Monday to Friday, I stay a little shy of that target, which lets me go a little OVER the target on the weekends.

So, instead of showing yesterday's food chart (which is pretty much like EVERY other one that I put up), I will show Sunday's.

For lunch on Sunday, I made a grilled sandwich in my panini press. I tried something new (e.g. not my "go to" avocado, tomato and laughing cow)... this sandwich combination was FABULOUS! I used sourdough bread. On one slice I spread apple butter, on the other I spread laughing cow. Then I added some roast turkey breast meat and threw it in my panini press (sprayed with cooking spray), until it was all hot and melty. Wow - good!

We also had roast beef for dinner on Sunday - a rare treat. I try to limit red meat to once a week or so (and I usually end up using my red meat quota for "hamburger night" during the week)...

Day 154 - A Personal Best

2009-10-19T07:33:00.000-04:00

Had a really great weekend!

On Saturday night, we went to a wedding... I did very well at the dinner. The food really wasn't that good, so it wasn't too hard. I intended to skip the bread basket, but I was starving and it looked very good. The rolls were small and I had one with one of those little plastic containers of butter (how much are in those anyway?? a tsp? 2 tsps?).

In the end, I was glad I had the bread, because it turned out to be the ONLY good thing they served us. The salad was boring and PRE-DRESSED (which I hate) with bottled dressing. My heart sank when the main course came out and it was a chicken breast smothered in cream sauce (with carrots, cauliflower and mashed potatoes). I ate all the veggies, but there weren't many. The chicken breast was huge, and dry and I scraped all the sauce off. I only ate the half the chicken, which was my normal serving size of meat... I was still hungry because normally I would eat two or three times that many vegetables!

Dessert was wedding cake with buttercream frosting, which I skipped without a moment's hesitation. The only thing was that I had to turn down dessert, not once but FOUR times. They plunked one in front of me and I passed it to my son, then they came and tried to give me another one (I said no thank you)... twice more they tried to serve me cake... LOL, it's a good thing I wasn't tempted!! I didn't have any wine because I was running a race Sunday morning....

Which brings me to the title of this post. I ran in a 10km race on Sunday morning. I did it in 50:43!! I came in THIRD PLACE in my age group... and 8th place out of all the women (88 women in total) and I came in 28th place overall (out of 126, including the men). I can't even describe how happy I was with those results. Racing is addictive. It's quite the rush!

I have a nice looking week ahead of me... no occassions or possible screw ups until Saturday night (going out for dinner)...

Day 150 - Nothing Fits Me!

2009-10-15T07:34:00.000-04:00

When I got to a certain level in my weight loss... I just had to go out and buy some new things, because everything (especially my work clothes) was just way too baggy and sloppy looking. So when I was in the high 130's I went out and bought a whole bunch of size 8 things, thinking that would be my final size.

All that size 8 clothing is now sloppy and baggy looking... I am really mad at myself for not waiting a little longer to buy everything (I could have just bought one or two things to tide me over...). Now I don't really feel like I can go out and buy a whole new wardrobe AGAIN... but it's starting to feel a little desperate. My clothes are very loose. I will have to replace things more slowly this time. My highest priority is a new pair of black dress pants for work.

Unfortunately, I also need to replace my running shoes (I've been running in the same ones since May, and I've logged well over 500km in them), I also need to outfit myself for winter running, because it's starting to get cold here (insulated running tights, a long sleeved tech shirt, a shell, thin/warm hat and gloves, some merino running socks that come higher up my ankles...). All that running gear won't come cheap either...

Anyway, I'm including below my food from yesterday, but also my excel spreadsheet that I use to track... well just about everything except my body temperature... :-) It's small but you can click on it for a clearer view...

Day 149 - One Month Mainteversary

2009-10-14T07:24:00.000-04:00

Well, it has been exactly one month since I officially declared "maintenance". On September 14, I weighed 129.0 and made the official switch from weight loss to weight maintenance.

Since then, I have upped my calories twice until I arrived at an average of about 1550 a day (averaged over the week, so some days higher, a few lower). For the last 10 days or so, I've seen my weight level off (in the 126-127 area), so I stopped increasing. I told myself that if I ever dipped below 126, I would increase the calories again.

All of the sudden this morning, without warning, I weighted 125.0, (I got off the scale and back on again to make sure it wasn't malfunctioning). It was a big drop, here's the last few days (which included a big turkey dinner and lots of leftovers!)

SAT 126.6
SUN 126.4
MON 126.6
TUES 126.6 .... very consistent.... and THEN....
WED 125.0 !!!

My husband says, will you just start EATING?!? LOL, never thought I'd have this problem! I suspect that each time I increase my calories, it just takes a while for my body to adjust (because when I was eating in a deficit, my metabolism slowed accordingly)... now I'm getting the metabolism fire stoked again, it just takes a while to adjust to each increase.

So, I am officially increasing my target to 1600 per day (yeah!)...

Here's yesterday... I made a big pot of turkey soup in the crockpot. It was delicious, I added kidney beans, black beans, lentils, carrots, turnip, cauliflower, brussel sprouts and potato to the stock with about 2 cups of leftover shredded turkey meat. I calculated the calories as best I could at 1800 for the pot (contained 16 cups of soup)... it was really a guessing game - how many calories are in homemade stock?? I refridgerated the stock overnight, so I could skim the fat off... I saved myself 300 calories for my bowl of soup, but when I sat down after and figured it all out, my portion was only 189? Oops, I could have had seconds!! Hate it when that happens! It filled my up, so I guess it's OK...

Husband is out tonight at a business function, so I am making Croque Monsieurs for me and the kids.... can't wait! It's one of my favorites!!

Day 147 - No Turkey Coma Here!

2009-10-13T11:09:00.003-04:00

Just a quick post today to say that I had a fabulous Thanksgiving Weekend, and to report my findings on holiday weekends. My findings are that it IS possible to enjoy your holiday without (a) eating yourself into a coma or (b) making the entire holiday focus around food...

I had a wonderful Turkey dinner on Sunday night. I had turkey, (white meat, no skin) gravy, a small scoop of dressing and steamed brussel sprouts, potatoes, carrots and cauliflower. For dessert I made a light pumpkin tofu mousse and some pumpkin swirl brownies (I had some mousse and one small brownie). And I had a glass of wine and 3 mini quiche appetizers before dinner.

On Monday morning, I weighed myself and I was 126.6, which was EXACTLY the same as the day before. I was so pleased. I had a fairly generous thanksgiving dinner (more than I usually eat, but not an insane amount)... and WINE, and and APPETIZER, and a BROWNIE... and I weighed exactly the same the next morning.

This. Was. Fabulous.

Then last night, we had hot turkey sandwiches with leftovers (I made mine on a small whole wheat hamburger bun) with all the same side dishes and more of the pumpkin tofu mousse for dessert. And this morning 126.6 (Again!)...

Wow.

Day 144 - Family Night Out

2009-10-09T07:21:00.000-04:00

The last time I lost weight and successfully reached my goal, I decided that we would start having Family Night Out every Friday. The idea was that, since I was at goal, I could afford to go out to dinner once a week and have whatever I wanted. This was probably true, but what happened was that it used to turn into an entire weekend of overeating. I'd get back on track Monday, but by Monday I'd have to go back into "diet mode" to reverse the damage, and then the next weekend it would start all over again. Obviously, I gained the weight back.

So this time, when I reached my goal weight, my husband (very eagerly) asked if we were going to have Family Night Out again. Well, I feel sort of bad for depriving them, but I just don't think it's a good idea. I don't mind going out once in a while, but there always seems to be other things on (business trips, parties, weddings, dinners with friends) that cause mini splurges and to add ANOTHER regular night out each week might be more than I can handle. So, I said "no" to regular family night, but that we should look at each week as it comes and if there are no other occassions (and I'm maintaining my new weight OK), THEN we can go out for dinner.

And so... we are going out tonight! Yes, I know this weekend is Thanksgiving in Canada, but that's not really a splurge for me. I'm hosting my family this year, and it will be turkey (breast meat with no skin for me) with steamed vegetables (potato, carrots, cauliflower and brussel sprouts) and a light dessert (pumpkin mousse made with silken tofu)...so it's just a regular meal, really...

Tonight we are taking the kids to Mucho Burrito. This a mexican fast food chain (I think similar to Baja Fresh? in the States). A small chicken burrito is about 600 calories and 12 grams of fat. That should allow me to stay within my calories for the day no problem. I just hope the small fills me up (in the past I'd have ordered a medium for closer to 800 calories...)

Yesterday, I had smoked salmon and cream cheese on a bagel for lunch - it was really good (having it again today)...

Day 143 - Having Bizarre Dreams

2009-10-08T07:45:00.000-04:00

The last two nights in a row, I have had some very strange dreams.

I dreamt that I was binging. My dreams were soooo vivid, I can't even describe how vivid. The first night, I dreamt that I was baking some banana chocolate cupcakes for the kids and I had made an "icing" by combining cream cheese, peanut butter, honey and brown sugar (not a bad recipe invention for a dream!).... and for some reason I had an entire bowl of icing leftover, so I started making thick slices of toast and buttering them and then spreading this icing on them and eating them. Then I made more, and ate them. It was so good. Then I made more.... I felt bad... really guilty... then I heard my husband coming into the kitchen and I threw the last slice into the garbage (my heart was pounding)... this dream felt so real, I was berating myself in my dream "What are you doing? You are going to be up 5lbs in the morning!!"... the guilt felt so real...

Last night, I had a similar dream.... only this time it was fresh chocolate chip cookies warm out of the oven with milk....tons of them!

Both nights when I woke up and realized it was only a dream and I hadn't actually done that, I felt SOOOO relieved.

I wonder what this means?

Here's my food from yesterday (no toast with peanut butter icing or warm chocolate chip cookies to be found!!)... but I did make a really nice "lightened up" Sloppy Joe recipe with ground turkey and fresh tomatoes.

Day 142 - One. Hundred. And. Forty. Two. Wow.

2009-10-07T06:29:00.000-04:00

One hundred and forty two days... it sounds like a lot, but it's not. It's only 20 weeks, or about 5 months of consistent healthy habits. When you think about it, I've got to keep this up for about 15,330 more days (I figure when I hit 80, I'll "let myself go" and start eating what I want again... LOL).

15,330 days, is anyone else depressed yet? Sorry to be a downer, but I was eating my healthy bowl of oatbran this morning for breakfast, and don't get me wrong - it was delicious with almond milk, mashed banana and a bit of molasses and sliced almonds on top... but I looked across the table at my husband who had four thick slices of lovely sourdough toast with butter and creamed honey on two and butter and molasses on the other two.... and I thought, that is my dream breakfast! I did a quick mental calculation of the calories... (roughly 700-800). My husband never seems to gain an ounce, and I thought, boy.... life is unfair!

But it's OK, really, I've only got about 15,300 days to go.... then I can go crazy with the sourdough toast slathered with butter and molasses and honey.... I can hardly wait... :-)

Here's my eats from yesterday:

Day 141 - Vacation Anxiety

2009-10-06T07:19:00.000-04:00

In the past, I have always had trouble controlling my eating on vacations. I remember three years ago we went on our annual two week family vacation to Belize (where we usually go every year) and I was at a fairly low weight. I came back 20lbs heavier! Yes, you read that right! I pigged out like nobody's business...and I never got back to my healthy eating after the vacation, so I got to keep the 20lbs as a souvenir (lucky me!).

The next year in Belize, I really tried to so better, but there is so much good food down there. I tend to get that, "I'm not going to be able to have this again for another WHOLE YEAR", attitude... I came home 10lbs heavier that year.

This tendency of mine is the reason that I get a panicky feeling everytime I think about our upcoming vacation. On Dec 16 we leave for a MONTH LONG vacation to New Zealand! A MONTH... do you have any idea how much damage a MONTH of eating three meals a day out might cause?!?

My husband's sister lives in Auckland, so we will be staying with her for a week at Christmas. She is not slim and learned to cook from my mother-in-law (translation: loads of butter, cream, whole milk, cheese etc)... and then we will be travelling around the country for three weeks eating in RESTAURANTS!

Luckily - I will have almost three months of maintenance under my belt before I go, so maybe I will be more attuned to exactly how much I can eat. But it will be really hard to count calories and monitor my weight!

Readers might have noticed that I like to make lists, so here is a list of some of the strategies I am going to TRY to use in New Zealand... if you can think of anything else that might help me out, I'm open to suggestions/advice:

1. Keep a food journal. even though I can't count the calories precisely, writing it all down and guestimating calories will help with accountability.

2. Measure portions. I have a portable food scale, I will bring that and use it to measure calorie dense things, (even in restaurants!) who cares what people think!

3. Monitor my weight. I will figure out a way... I will find places to weigh myself, or I will bring a measuring tape and take my measurements once a week, and I will fit into the same clothes on the way home that I wore on the way there!

4. Try to eat like home. In restaurants I will have: no appetizers, no desserts, and no alcohol (with maybe a once or twice a week exception to one of those... just like home). I will keep 2 of my three meals a day meat-less... just like home.

5. Don't go overboard. At home, if I have a splurge, I can recover by going back to my plan the next day. Any splurges on vacation will probably stay with me until I get home. So, I will keep my breakfasts light (cereal, toast, oatmeal)... those things are usually available in coffee shops, and I can't succumb to big egg/bacon breakfasts just because they are there! At dinner, I will order one meal and split it with my 6 year old. If it isn't enough food we can always order MORE after (e.g. a side salad to share). This will also help keep costs down too!

6. Eat healthy. When you are eating out a lot, consumption of fruits and vegetables always seems to be lacking, so I will try not to let this happen (e.g. I will stop at grocery stores for fruit to snack on, and maybe have salads with no dressing for my lunches...)

7. No french fries. Will they really be any better in New Zealand? I doubt it.

8. Excercise. This is the most important. Bring my running shoes and RUN, everyday... it will be a great way to see different cities and the weather will be great! I will also have to try to do some weight training (push ups, sit ups) whenever I can.

Funny, I am most worried about the week in Auckland when we will be house guests. In restaurants I can be picky and order things to my liking. But, I don't want to be an ungrateful/difficult houseguest. What if they serve me whole milk to put on sugary cereal? What if they serve dessert everynight? What if they butter vegetables, and put cream in everything? I won't get my almond milk, or my grapefruit, or my vegetarian sandwiches at lunch :-( I am obviously a creature of habit and routine, and being away from that makes me nervous!

Whenever I mention this "vacation anxiety" to anyone, they respond with something like, "You're on VACATION, you shouldn't worry about it!!"... well that might be OK when your vacation is a weekend, or a week. But when it's a month? Nobody seems to understand...

Sigh - anyway, this post has grown to be way longer than I originally intended. I am sure I will write more about my trip in the coming two months before we leave. Here is my eating yesterday. Again, I was low in calories, but too stuffed to eat anything more... I went for a really easy/slow 5km run (31 minutes).

Day 140 - Restaurants can be Frustrating Places!

2009-10-05T07:14:00.000-04:00

I weighed in this morning and my weight is holding steady. I was 126.6.

On Friday night, my husband and I went out with a group of friends to an Italian Restaurant. There were 14 of us for dinner. I had gone on-line and planned out my dinner from the restaurant website and I felt good, I had a solid plan!! I ate my regular breakfast and lunch, and I went out for a 10km run after work, to help burn off some calories in advance...

When it came time to order my dinner, I had a moment of extreme temptation (I was really tempted by a pasta dish on the specials board that had italian sausage and goat cheese and pinenuts)...BUT, I am proud to say I stuck with my original plan and felt good once I put in my order.

When I gave my order I did it discreetly with the waitress. I ordered a side salad to start (mixed greens and tomatoes) with a wedge of lime instead of dressing (I actually like squirting a wedge of lemon or lime on my salad instead of dressing!). For dinner I ordered a vegetarian pizza with just a "sprinkle" of mozzarella and a glass of white wine. WELL.... when they brought everyone else's meal out mine was missing. The manager comes over and says, "When your pizza came out it still had too much mozzarella for my liking so I sent it back and asked the kitchen to do it again!" I found this a little strange (I mean it was nice and all) but just thought it was funny that he was judging how much mozzarella I wanted (??). Then all my friends started asking, "is there a problem??".... "did they mess up your food".... I said - "no no, it's ok, but it's going to be a few more minutes so please everyone start, I don't want yours to get cold"...

THEN, the waitress comes out, and says LOUDLY so the whole table can hear, "I'm so sorry, I wrote "light cheese" on the order, but I guess they put more than you wanted." I mutter, "it's fine"....

THEN, the girl filling our water glasses makes a comment, "don't worry, your LIGHT pizza will be up soon"!

One of my friends then chimes in.... "LIGHT PIZZA??? You aren't on a DIET are you?".... I say, NO NO, I just don't like tons of cheese on my pizza, so I asked for less, I didn't realize it would cause the whole restaurant to go in a tizzy!!

I finally got my pizza, and there was just the perfect amount of cheese and it was delicious, it was a 12" thin crust and I ate half (my husband had the rest for lunch on Sunday). I just got very upset that I tried to discreetly order something healthier and the restaurant staff completely "OUTS" me to everyone... this is not the first time this has happened to me....

Anyway, here is my food from yesterday (Sunday). The turkey soup for lunch was served at my bookclub meeting at a friends house, so I had to guess the amounts/calories. I also did a 16km run in the morning, which took about 1 hour and 45 minutes.

Day 137 - At What Point May I Declare Success?

2009-10-02T07:33:00.000-04:00

Although I think it is still WAY too soon to declare success, I really feel like I have made good progress since I've switched my goal from weight loss to weight maintenance!

Here are some of the things I have noticed:

1. While I haven't gotten my calories EACH DAY up as high as I thought I would, I have had more "relaxed days" than I did before, which averages out...

2. In the 18 days since I've declared "maintenance" I have eaten an average of 1535 calories a day (with a high of 2642 and a low of 1221).

3. I get less stressed out about restaurant meals and special occassions. I've had a few now, and as long as I go back to normal the next meal, they haven't hurt me at all. I am also becoming more confident in my ability to have "reasonable indulgences"!!!

4. I haven't binged since Sept 7 (25 days and counting), and since I switched to maintenance I haven't felt an overwhelming urge to do so...

5. I still have days where I "feel" less thin than others - tummy bloat days, bad outfit days, and I still get a "food baby" when I overeat at one sitting.... BUT the scale says I'm still thin, so I just move on....

6. The scale fluctuates each day by 1-2 pounds or so.... I've noticed a trend that it goes down the day after a run and up the day after a rest day (probably fluids lost during my runs)...

7. Counting calories is my comfort zone and I'm not ready to leave it yet... maybe someday, but not yet...

8. Everyday gets just a little bit easier... soon it will be a piece of cake right??? ooooohhhhhhh caaaake.... (just kidding!)

Had the bean soup for dinner last night that we were supposed to have on Wednesday night... I had mine with a half serving of Tostitos "Scoops" chips, that I used to scoop up the soup... it was almost like eating nachos... yum! That was the sort of treat that isn't CRAZY, but I probably wouldn't have done it in weight loss.

Day 136 - Business Travel doesn't have to Spell Disaster

2009-10-01T06:37:00.000-04:00

I was traveling on business yesterday... I flew to Toronto in the morning for a meeting and then back home for dinner. This usually means eating some dreadful meeting food (muffins, danishes, trays of sandwiches - sometimes good, sometimes not). But yesterday, my meeting was in an executive board room on the high floor of a bank head office and the food was incredible! Rather than buffet style, we were served our own individual plates of food with some assorted sandwiches and salads. I ate it all and it was delicious! I still consider it a good day because: (1) I ate breakfast at home and turned down the airplane breakfast, (2) I only took 2 cookies from the dessert tray and stopped there, (3) they were handing out packets of almonds and shortbread cookies on the plane on the way home, and I took 2 of each, but saved them in my purse! I'll give the cookies to the kids and divide the tamari almond packets into more reasonable servings sizes of about 150 calories each...

Before I left for the airport in the morning I put a big pot of black bean soup in the crockpot so we would have a nice light dinner waiting for us when I got home. I walked in the door at about 6:30... and the beans weren't cooked! They were still crunchy! I couldn't believe it, after all that time in the crock pot. I've made the recipe before, but this was the first time in a new crock pot, so maybe the low setting was lower?? I had been looking forward to the beans all day, and when I got home and they weren't ready, I had a panicky moment... what would we eat? I don't do well with no planning!!! I was REALLY tired from a long day of travelling and I *ALMOST* sent my husband out for takeout. But, I resisted and I threw together a quick back up of poached eggs on rye toast with tomato slices and sausage patties... It wasn't quite as low cal as the soup, but sure was better than Pizza Hut or KFC!!

No damage on the scale this morning! And the soup's back in the crock pot for tonight!

Day 134 - The Lost Years

2009-09-29T07:37:00.000-04:00

I am 38 years old, and while I am probably in the best shape of my life... I am still, well.... 38 years old. I think I look good for my age, but I often think (ruefully) about how great I could have looked if I'd paid more attention to diet and exercise in my 20's and early 30's!!!

Of course it's too late to go back, but I spent much of those years hiding in baggy clothes, and I get disappointed with myself when I think about it! Of course, as my husband pointed out, things happen for a reason, and had I been little miss hard-body in my 20's my whole life might have turned out differently.... I might be a washed up playboy bunny now instead of a successful business woman! ha!

I'm still a little sore from all that dancing on Saturday night (CRAZY), but I got out for a nice easy 40 minute run last night anyway... which made me feel a lot better. This week, instead of going to 1600 calories everyday, I am going to eat 1600 on exercise days, and stay at 1500 on rest days and see how that goes. Didn't do too great yesterday, I was under 1400!!! I thought I was eating a LOT... my dinner plate was PILED HIGH with food.... and I was stuffed!

Day 133 - Breathing A BIG Sigh of Relief

2009-09-28T07:25:00.000-04:00

This past weekend was a huge success! I pretty much ate what I wanted for two meals (dinner at the wedding and breakfast the following morning), I tried to practice "intuitive eating", e.g. stopping when I was full, but I know I overate at both meals. The rest of the weekend, I tried to reduce my calories just slightly, but pretty much ate normally. On Saturday I did an hour of weight training at the gym followed by a 10km run.

At the wedding, I skipped the appetizers during cocktail hour and for dinner I had:
- a whole wheat dinner roll with butter
- a cup of sweet pea and basil soup with "truffle oil rain"
- chili and honey seared quail wing with a slice of chorizo on a bed of cheesy polenta (wow yum!)
- a "melt in your mouth" beef tenderloin (ate about half of a 10oz?? portion and gave the rest to my husband) served with scalloped potatoes and a few roasted veggies.
- a chocolate mousse cake in the shape of a small pyramid with a creme brule filling
- three glasses of red wine
(I skipped the midnight dessert buffet)
Estimate Calories for the wedding dinner and drinks: 1925

For breakfast on Sunday I had:
- two eggs, over easy
- four slices bacon
- pan fried style homefries
- 2 slices rye toast (1 with jam, one dipped in my egg yolks)
- 2 blueberry pancakes with sugar free syrup (I was only able to eat one)
- small slice each cantaloupe and watermelon
Estimate Calories for breakfast: 1214

I weighed myself this morning and I was 127.2! Only up 0.4lbs from Saturday morning! I was so happy to see that I can enjoy a weekend like that once in a while and not have to stress over it! I'm sure all the exercise Saturday helped. Over the course of the day I ate 2642, but I burned 835!

As promised, here is a picture of me in my dress, taken by my husband in the hotel room right before the ceremony. It's not the best picture, and I might find a better one, once all our friends start posting their pictures from the wedding on facebook...

One funny thing, I can run a half marathon no problem, but a couple of hours of dancing in high heels and my knees are a wreck! I ended up having to take Sunday off from running because I was so sore...

Day 130 - Scary Weekend Ahead...

2009-09-25T06:54:00.000-04:00

So far, I think I have been doing very well with maintenance. I've been increasing my calories slowly, and still lost last week, and am up about 1 pound this week. I feel good, although I haven't been exercising as much this week... Earlier in the week, I was recovering from the half marathon, and then I came down with a cold! The most I could manage yesterday was 35 minutes on the elliptical at home... I just felt really stuffed up and couldn't bring myself to get out for a run.

I have a big weekend ahead, eating-wise. On Saturday night I am going to a wedding, and I am wearing my new dress (I'll post some pictures of me wearing it on Monday), so there will be lots of food at the wedding (and alcohol) and then we are staying over at the hotel where the reception is, and going out for breakfast on Sunday morning.

My plan is to simply eat what I'm served at the wedding, and try to make a somewhat healthy choice at breakfast. I will just cut back slightly at all my other meals to compensate, and get in a run both Saturday and Sunday. The important thing is that I don't want to have to go back to "diet mode" next week.... I just want to get through the weekend with no damage and continue on with "maintenance"...

I ate good yesterday, and with my 35 minutes on the elliptal I was surpised to be up 0.8lbs today from yesterday...shrug... maybe it has something to do with my cold (my head it so congested, it does feel about a pound heavier!!)...

Day 129 - When You Get Sick...

2009-09-24T07:15:00.000-04:00

When you get sick, it is hard to stay the course with healthy eating and exercising (especially the exercising!). Starting yesterday morning, I began to feel a cold coming on. I guess I got the "back to school" fall cold before my kids even got it!! Even though I wasn't feeling that great, I got out to run yesterday after work, I just did an easy 5km, but when I got home I felt worse than I did on Sunday after I ran the entire half marathon!!

My plan was to run today too, take tomorrow off and run Saturday and Sunday, but I will see how I feel tonight, I might adjust that schedule.

Eating wise, I am doing well. I haven't continued to drop weight this week (at 1500 per day) like I did last week at 1400. I hope that doesn't mean that 1500 is my maintenance level... I was hoping to get higher! I don't think it is, that would mean that all this time I only had a 200 per day deficit? I never would have lost the weight so fast, if that were the case. I suspect that my body had adjusted to the very low calorie intake and is now "hoarding" this extra fuel! What I will do, if I stay the same weight through to Monday, is do a second week at 1500 before I increase again. Honestly, it's no hardship, I feel like I am eating a ton!

Yesterday, I had my oat bran with mashed banana and some mini chocolate chips sprinkled on top... Yum, what a treat. When the kids saw it, they were complaining how unfair it was, so this morning I made some for them too.

Day 128 - My Other Blog

2009-09-23T07:08:00.000-04:00

I have a major confession, and all you people who read this blog (all three of you) have to promise to keep this a secret, before you read any further....

.....

Promise?

.....

OK, read on...

Mommy Your Bum Jiggles isn't my only blog. I've been cheating on my other blog. The other blog, is sort of like my alter ego. It is a food blog! Gasp! This one is about eating less, that one is about eating more...LOL, I never claimed that I didn't have "issues"!

My other blog has been on the go since 2007, and I get quite a lot of traffic there (495 subscribers). My other blog readers don't know about THIS blog, and since the other blog is all about decadence and treats, I think I'll keep it that way... I used to post new recipes there almost everyday, but I found it was causing me to gain weight. Now I post less frequently (and I get tons of e-mails from readers asking why). I often cook desserts for my blog and I don't eat them (that can be hard). Sometimes I post healthier recipes, but for the most part when I am eating healthy, I eat a lot of the same things over and over, but that just doesn't make for very good food porn for my other blog.

Here is the link, if anyone is interested, but don't go over there looking for healthy eating inspiration!! Some of it is certainly healthy, but some is decadent too...

Janet is Hungry

Yesterday, I did an hour of weight training at the gym, but I decided to take an additional day of rest from running following my half marathon. I don't have sore muscles, but my legs just feel a little tired. I ate well yesterday, although, it felt like I was eating CONSTANTLY with all those snacks!

The Past Week

2009-09-22T07:18:00.000-04:00

I am always impressed when I read people's blogs and they have lost large amounts of weight. I admire their persistence and willpower. But something that REALLY impresses me is when I read about people who have lost weight, and then maintained their loss for a period of time...

I'm not sure that getting one week of maintenance under my belt is really cause for too much celebration, but it does feel like somewhat of an accomplishment to me. In the past I have usually started the upward trend just as soon as I hit my low weight, so I have already exceeded my previous efforts. I cannot remember ever embarking on this quest to increase my calories and figure out my maintenance level as I am doing now... and it has been interesting. I increased 100 calories a day (to 1400) for the first week and I still lost about 2 lbs. So, this week I am increasing another 100 (to 1500). After 4 months in and around 1300 a day, this just feels like a lot of food! I'm nervous, but excited to see how much I am actually able to eat each day to stay around this weight.

So, following my first week in maintenance, here is a recap:

Mood: Tentative.
What I did well: Weighed in everyday and got my increased calories from healthy foods, not junk.
What I could improve: My attitude towards food. It is not bad to eat more if your body needs it!!
Weight: 126.8
Goals for upcoming week: (1) Increase calories to 1500; (2) Weigh each day; (3) Maintain exercise level.
Things to watch out for: Binges. Binges mess up maintenance because I embark on a cycle of binge/calorie deficit/binge/calorie deficit.... and never get to actually eat at maintenance.

Here is what I ate yesterday (I am still playing around with the best time/meal to add in my extra calories and yesterday I added to my lunch and had an afternoon snack):

Day 126 - Half Marathon Success!!

2009-09-21T07:29:00.002-04:00

I'm the one in pink and my daughter is on the far right
I did it! I finished my first half marathon in 2:04:16!! A way better time than I was even hoping for (my goal was 2:10!)... but the "race magic" kicked in! At the end when I was expecting to be pretty tired, there were crowds cheering us on, and a marching band along the race course, and I got all goosebumpy and I just gave 'er! I sprinted the last 1/2 kilometer, and I felt great!

Diane asked me to talk a little about my nutrition before and after the race. I'm no expert, but a lot of people (in my view) go overboard with the carbo-loading before big races. It's important to make sure you have enough fuel to get you through, but in my experience, if I eat a lot more food than what I am used to, it can lead to a bad tummy during the run, and that is just not a pleasant feeling.

On Saturday evening before the race, I ate a dinner that was higher in calories than normal, but not that much bigger in volume. I had ricotta and spinach ravioli with primavera sauce, with a side salad and two slices of whole wheat baguette with roasted mashed garlic spread on them. I drank lots of water throughout the day Saturday.

Sunday morning I got up about 2.5 hours before the race to eat a good breakfast. I needed time for it to settle before the run. I had a big bowl of oatbran with a mashed banana, peanut butter and honey with half a grapefruit and 2 cups of coffee.

During the race I only drank water and an electrolyte replacement drink (not gatorade - blech!). The one I buy doesn't have sugar, it is just powdered crystals that you dump into your water bottle.

After the race, they give out tons of free snacks - bagels, orange wedges and bananas. I wasn't actually feeling hungry, so I had only an orange wedge and decided to wait for my lunch to eat more. My office building was close by, so we were able to go grab a quick shower before we headed down to the pub where our husbands/kids were waiting.

For lunch, on Susan's advice I didn't go crazy. I ordered a Beef Boxty with a side salad. That is a large potato pancake folded "omelet style" around some hearty beef stew. It was a perfect post race meal! I estimated that my lunch ran about 800-1000 calories(?). I burned through about 1350 in the race (according to my garmin heartrate monitor).

For dinner I ate lighter, grilled chicken breast with steamed bokchoy, carrots and baked potato with salsa and a scoop of vanilla ice cream for dessert! If I was running a 10km (and I am signed up for two in October!), I would still do the really big breakfast before the race, but I wouldn't eat such a big lunch after... I'd maybe just snack on a really yummy granola bar or muffin after the race, before my normal lunch.

Also, I wanted to report that I have lost a bit more weight this past week, even though I am officially on "maintenance", so I am upping my calories again this week to 1500 per day (although I ate significantly more than that both Saturday and Sunday because of my race). I weighed 126.8 this morning... that will even back out though - a half marathon burns a lot and results in some fluid loss too...

Oh - and I had a request for some progress pictures. I will post some this week, I have been having trouble finding some "honest" before pics, because I guess I became very adept and avoiding the camera, or making sure I was always the one BEHIND it, whenever I was bigger....

Day 123 - Half Marathon

2009-09-18T06:58:00.000-04:00

Well the culmination of 4 months of training is nearly upon me.... I run in my first half marathon on Sunday...

This week has been a challenge for me because, as part of a half-marathon training program you are supposed to "taper" in the week leading up to your race. That means you run less so that you are fresh and rested on race day. So, I only ran 7km on Sunday, 6 on Tuesday, 10 on Wednesday, and I'll try for a nice easy/slow 5 today. Monday, yesterday and tomorrow will be total rest days from exercise. These breaks are nice, but since this was also the first week that I have been trying to increase calories in maintenance the combination of more food AND less exercise has been making me nervous.

Once my race is over next week, I can run whenever I want, so all will be good!

I am going out to lunch after the race, and I am looking forward to relaxing and pretty much ordering what I want. A half marathon burns about 1200 calories at my weight and since I'm at maintenance now, I can eat most of those back...(1400+1200= 2600...that is going to be fun!!)

Yesterday was a good day eating wise, I made it 1400 (thanks to an evening snack) and I made a delicious dinner (pictured below).

Day 122 - The Dryer is No Longer My Enemy

2009-09-17T06:41:00.000-04:00

When I was 40 pounds heavier, I used to wear the same jeans until they were grungy, just to avoid having to wash them and put them in the dryer. I would hang nearly all my clothes to dry, for fear that they would get smaller and be uncomfortably tight. I can't tell you how many times I had to go out to buy "bigger" clothes only to have them no longer fit me once they went through the wash. If my husband did laundry and put some of my clothes in the dryer (even if the tag told him to) I would freak out on him... like it was HIS fault that I was growing out of my clothes.

This is one of the things that I really love about being thin. I can put my clothes in the dryer - almost all of it. Most of my clothes actually fit me BETTER when they are freshed washed, and my jeans get loose after a few wears, and I have to put them in the dryer just to shrink em back up again! I have some favorites that are now too big that I put in the dryer HOPING that they will come out smaller, so I don't have to discard them...

I actually took a picture of my lunch yesterday because..... I ate something different that usual (SHOCKER)! I had smoked salmon and cream cheese on a bagel (yum!)... pictured with green pepper sticks, a yoghurt, a peach and a blueberry bran vitatop with some green tea.

yeah, I know.... I didn't make it to 1400 again... I should have put real peanut butter in my oats instead of PB2, that would have done the trick! Next time!!

Day 121 - It's Hard Eating More

2009-09-16T07:39:00.000-04:00

Yeah, I know... I bet nobody feels sorry for me!

I sat down last night after I got home from doing weights at the gym and my 6km run to input all my food into Calorie King, and I realized I had come up short again for calories for the day. Even after adding a half a banana extra to my breakfast and the other half to my lunch, and having a third pork souvlaki skewer at dinner (where I would have normally only had 2) and extra brussel sprouts. So, even though I wasn't really hungry, I made some popcorn to bring myself over 1400.

I commented to my husband how hard it is eating more, and he laughed at me. He noted that when I am "off the wagon", I have absolutely NO trouble eating more... TONS and TONS more. He is absolutely right, I am an all or nothing sort of person. It's really easy to eat tons of food if you aren't paying attention, but when you are being mindful to eat healthy things, it's a little harder (I can only eat so many brussel sprouts before I get a tummy ache!). I don't really want to increase my meals TOO much, because frankly, they satisfy me now, and I don't want to increase my appetite too much. I could snack, but I have always found that snacks just leave me wanting more, and so I generally avoid them.

My personal trainer suggested a few things for me to try: (1) switch from some of my light products e.g. from light laughing cow to regular, or from fat free sour cream to light, etc; (2)Add nuts and/or dried fruit to my morning oatmeal; (3) Eat a piece of dark chocolate with one of my meals; or, (4) Drink a glass of wine with dinner. All these things will increase my calories without resulting in a ton more food, volume-wise, so my appetite will hopefully not increase and make me hungry all the time...

Here is what I ate yesterday:

Day 120 - Weight Loss by the Numbers

2009-09-15T07:00:00.000-04:00

So, I have decided to increase my calories to 1400 per day. I know this doesn't seem like a big increase, and I know I will have to increase even more, but I want to take it slow (because I am a Nervous Nellie!!) Yesterday, I tried adding in an afternoon snack because that is usually the time when I am hungriest... right after I get home from work at about 4:30pm with the kids while we are waiting for my husband to get home for dinner at about 6:30pm. Sometimes that can be a really LONG 2 hours!! Today I am going to try just adding some calories to my breakfast and lunch, and see which I prefer (eventually I will probably be able to do both!)...

Just for the fun of it, I have compiled some interesting statistics from my weightloss journey...

# of days to reach goal weight: 118
# of pounds lost: 40.8
# of calories on average I ate each day: 1467
# of calories on average I burned each day through exercise: 373
# of days that I ate over 2000 calories: 8
# of days that I ate over 5000 calories: 1
# of laughing cow cheese wedges eaten: 129
# of grapefruits eaten: 57
# of hours spent rambling to poor husband about dieting: countless!

I am going to try weighing myself every morning (for now) but I will continue to report my weight here only once per week.

Here is what I ate yesterday:

Day 119 - Maintenance is a SCARY place

2009-09-14T07:31:00.001-04:00

Try to guess the first emotion I felt when I stepped on the scale this morning and saw that I was below maintenance weight.

Was it Elation? Triumph? Happiness? Relief?

No. No. No. No.

Fear. I felt fear.

What now? I've lost the weight. I don't want to lose more. I want to hover in and around 130lbs for good.

How do I do that? Obviously, I need to eat more, or I will continue to lose. But how much more? More of what? More of the same stuff, or should I add in treats? Should I start eating snacks, or make my meals bigger? Should I continue to avoid "trigger foods"? Or should I let myself indulge a little? How often should I weigh myself? How much should I let my weight fluctuate? What should be my trigger to go back to a calorie deficit?

YIKES. I really don't know what to do now. I've lost weight so many times before I am total PRO. But I am completely green and untested when it comes to maintenance.

Let the fun begin...

Day 116 - Coffee and Tea and Club Soda

2009-09-11T06:59:00.001-04:00

Those are the only things I drink (well besides water). I usually drink 2 cups of coffee in the morning, then I have a big mug (or two) of green tea with my lunch, I have a club soda with my dinner and a decaf coffee after my dinner. I drink water between my meals and during my drive back and forth to work. I try to never drink my calories.

I like my coffee with just the tiniest splash of skim milk. Truly, it is a ridiculously small amount that I like. I've tried drinking it black, but find it a little harsh, so I take a spot of milk (I've measured and it's about 1/2 tbsp per large mug). I don't bother logging this, I know there are a small amount of calories in it, but it really doesn't seem to be hurting my weight-loss efforts... so "shrug".

The reason I am telling this story, is because right now (on Friday morning), I have sitting on my desk a large coffee from Tim Horton's that has double cream. I won't be drinking it...

Each Friday one of my co-workers stops on his way to work and buys two coffees, one for me and one for himself. About a year ago when he started bringing me this treat, I told him that I "took milk" in my coffee. After a few weeks, I found I just didn't like the taste of the coffee, so I asked him one day, if it was milk, or cream... he said he ordered a "double". At Tim Horton's that gets you two CREAMS! So I asked (very nicely) if he could get me single milk next time, because I am watching my weight (that was a mistake to mention my weight). He made some sort of a caustic/sarcastic remark about "dieting", and that it was stupid to deprive myself. I assured him that I actually prefer the TASTE of milk in my coffee (which is absolutely the truth) and he said "whatever!".

I still get the coffee every single Friday morning, but I am almost 95% sure, it still has double cream (not milk). I really don't want to be ungrateful, he buys this for me, and it is very nice. But I usually dump it down the sink in the kitchen and re-fill the cardboard cup with coffee from our office machine (and put in my 1/2 tbsp of skim milk)...

Don't know what to do about that, but I will probably just go on wasting a perfectly good cup of coffee because I'm too much of a chicken/wimp/pansy to say anything again and invite a whole bunch of nasty comments about "dieting"...

Here is my chow from yesterday (I've started having my daily toasted avocado, tomato, laughing cow sandwich on rye bread - delish! and less calories than the sandwich thins I've been having!):

Day 115 - Powerless to Stop Making Mistakes

2009-09-10T06:56:00.001-04:00

You know how it feels when you KNOW you are going down the wrong path but you just can't seem to do anything about it?

That's how I feel right now about reaching my goal weight.

Let me explain. My goal weight is 130. Last week I was hovering right around 130 and then one day (when I was being sneaky and weighing myself on a NON-weigh in day) the scale dipped to 129.6 and then one morning to 128.0!! Woo Hoo. BUT, I didn't post about it. It wasn't my official weigh-in day (that was supposed to be Monday), so I decided to wait... I stayed on my reduced calorie intake thinking that since I was going away for the weekend eating in restaurants, it wouldn't be a good time to start increasing.

So then I had a pretty awful weekend eating wise. So, I skipped my weigh-in. I reasoned that I just want to get the extra water retention and bloating under control and THEN I'd weigh myself... (anyone else hearing warning bells going off yet??)...

Since I've been home, I am back on track (which is one good thing at least), but I still haven't weighed myself... I just want to undo the damage first. I feel OK now. The bloating is almost gone. My clothes still fit.... what's my problem? When do I get officially switch to maintenance?

Here is what I ate yesterday. Also did a 7km run (about 40 minutes at a good pace).

Day 114 - Foods that Save Me!

2009-09-09T07:36:00.000-04:00

I know that I publish my food diary almost every day, so you can for the most part see exactly what I eat. But I thought that today, instead of the food diary, I would include a list of some of the things that help me survive dieting without feeling deprived. I will preface this list by saying that I KNOW my diet isn't 100% perfect. Some of the things I eat aren't the most healthy or natural (e.g. with artificial sweeteners). BUT, this works for me, and I believe that I balance those things with many things that ARE healthy and natural...

So here is my list (not in any particular order):

1. Unsweetened Almond Milk. I buy the Almond Breeze brand. At 40 calories per cup, it is less than half the calories of skim milk, and I enjoy the taste more. I use this on my cold cereal, and I use it to cook my hot cereal. Because it is thicker than skim milk, it is also good in baking or for making things like french toast or bread puddings.

2. Laughing Cow Cheese Wedges. The ones I buy are 45 calories for 2. What a great way to have your cheese without breaking the calorie bank! I use one wedge almost everyday in my sandwich (which I toast in the toaster oven until the cheese is all melty). I also love these wedges on Ryvita Crisps for a snack, and I've been known to put them on my hamburgers when I don't have calorie room for cheddar or swiss cheese.

3. I Can't Believe It's Not Butter, Light. This has 35 calories for 10 grams (2 tsp). I love this! It took some getting used to on toast - I guess it has a higher water content, so it makes the toast a little soggier than real butter or margarine does. But it's worth it to me to be able to enjoy my toast (once a week every Sunday morning). I also use 5 grams on my corn on the cob (real butter flavour for only 18 calories!). Sometimes I add 5 grams to steamed veggies, or to steamed rice.

4. Becel, Spray Butter. I'm sure there is nothing nutritionally redeeming about this, but I often add a few squirts and some salt to my steamed veggies. It is also good sprayed on plain air popped popcorn (and it gives the salt something to stick to).

5. Grapefruit. I could never start my day without half a grapefruit. It doesn't matter how expensive it gets off-season. Grapefruit is a must.

6. Splenda. Yes, splenda. I don't have any trouble with headaches or any of those things that some people report. I use a combination of splenda and molasses (2 tsp) in my morning hot cereal. Sometimes I sprinkle some on my grapefruit, if its a tart one.

7. Kozy Shack Tapioca Pudding (or Rice Pudding): I just love these, and they are my "go to" after dinner treat. The tapioca has 90 calories (my fave) and the rice has 70.

8. Angel Food Cake: This is a weekend treat in our house. A 30 gram slice (about 1/8 of a whole cake) has around 75 calories! I buy the chocolate flavour and top it with fat free vanilla ice cream. Or the vanilla flavour and top it with fruit, jam, cool whip... you name it!

9. Weight Watcher Whole Wheat Bagels: I love bagels! My toppings of choice are (1) Peanut Butter and Banana (2) Laughing Cow Cheese Wedge and Mashed Avocado (3) Light Cream Cheese (alone or with smoked salmon). I wouldn't eat a regular bagel (too big and too many calories). The Weight Watchers ones, at 150 calories, allow me to enjoy them. In the beginning I found them very small... but now they are normal to me and the others are HUGE.

10. My CSA Delivery. I know this isn't stictly one food, but my weekly organic farm deliveries are invaluable. The deliveries force us to eat lots of veggies, so nothing goes to waste, and we've tried new veggies that I had never thought to try before (e.g. fiddleheads, garlic scapes, purple potatoes, golden beets, lemon cucumbers etc etc).

11. Peanut Butter. I used to consider this "off limits" when I was losing weight. But I have learned a lot over the years, and I can't make my favorite things off-limits because it will lead to excess! So I portion it out, and eat it only once or twice a week. If I have a craving for peanut butter, I just decide to have it for lunch the next day (I can usually wait that long to have some)... FYI - I don't buy natural... I get the regular stuff, but since I eat (at most) 2 tbsp a week, I don't worry about the added sugar.

12. Fig Newtons: Although I've been on a "Tapioca for dessert" streak for a while, I used to LOVE having 2 Fig Newtons for dessert everynight (90 calories), and since I tend to be "faddish" with my eating, I know they'll come back into favour soon (hmmmm... maybe tonight they'll make a reappearance).

13. Kellogg's Guardian Cereal: This is my absolute favorite cold breakfast cereal. The original maple flavour has 110 calories per serving, and I usually double it, for 220 calories plus 40 calories worth of almond milk. It's filling and delicious!

14. All the other stuff I couldn't live without: Cream of Wheat, Oatbran, Bananas, fresh fruit, yoghurt, avocados, beets, brussel sprouts, granola bars....

Writing this post has made me hungry....

Day 113 - Mixed Success

2009-09-08T06:54:00.000-04:00

I had an amazing time in Montreal with my girlfriends, but I have to report mixed success on the eating front. I did really well for the first two days, I ate light made good choices and stopped eating when I was full... BUT, the last evening, I sort of decided to reward myself by ordering what I wanted, and I ate WAY too much. I crumbled when the bread basket came, and I ordered grilled octopus and rack of lamb. I had three drinks and THEN we all went out for a midnight dessert at a Crepe Restaurant. I had a nutella and banana crepe with vanilla ice cream. It was one of the best things I've ever eaten, so even now I'm having trouble mustering up much guilt about it...

Yesterday on the drive home, we stopped at McDonald's and I had a McChicken Meal... I guess I was just feeling pretty far off track so I shrugged my shoulders and said "oh well".

When I got home at about 3pm, I met up with a friend to do my 20km training run. It took 2 hours and 13 minutes, and I felt terrible! There is a reason why runner's are careful with their diets... ugh! I had stomack cramps and indigestion the entire way and I really felt like I was going to throw up...

The run burned about 1400 calories, but then we didn't have any food at home and my husband and I went out for burritos for dinner...

Anyway, water under the bridge. I'm back on track today, but I'm holding off a few days for my weigh-in, because I feel really bloated and icky...

Day 110 - Off to Montreal

2009-09-05T07:45:00.002-04:00

Well I am off today to Montreal for the bachelorette party. I won't be able to post until Tuesday (which will be my weigh in day instead of Monday).

Here is my plan for the weekend:

Saturday
1. Wake up EARLY and run 7km - (check)
2. Eat my normal breakfast before we leave - (check)
3. Pick a healthy lunch wherever the girls decide to go (e.g. salad with no dressing, sandwich with mustard etc) - (check)
4. Dinner - I don't know where we are going yet, but I will apply my healthy choices (e.g. fish or chicken, grilled not fried, tomato sauce not cream etc) - (check - had seaweed salad and sushi)
5. Wine with dinner, beer at bar (just 1) and DANCE DANCE DANCE to burn calories!) - (check)

Sunday
1. Continental Breakfast included with Hotel (try to pick fruit and cereal OR fruit and toast) don't eat more than I would eat at home.).(check - fruit with bagel and peanut butter)
2. Lunch at LaRonde (amusement park). This could be tough (lots of unhealthy stuff), but I noticed there is a Subway. I'll try for Subway, or a grilled chicken burger etc wherever the girls want to go (I will bring a fruit in my purse).).(check - grilled chicken burger... they grilled my chicken in the deepfryer, but that was NOT my fault)
3. Dinner on Saturday (I already chose from the on-line menu): Appetizer of Grilled Octopus and Main Course of Grilled Salmon with vegetables and potato. IF everyone else is having dessert I'll order ice cream or sorbet, if not, I'll just get coffee.) - (not good - had rack of lamb and mojito and dessert and bread)

Monday
1. Continental Breakfast (repeat above) - (check)
2. Lunch. If on the road home pick something less than 500 calories, if at home eat regular. (not good - McDonalds had about 800 calories)
3. Afternoon, meet up with my friend to get in my 20km training run - (check)
4. Pick Husband up at airport (he's in New York City getting into trouble with the boys) and then stop for dinner (Subway?) and then pick up kids from the Grandparents - (not good had burrito - 815 calories)

Tuesday
1. Weigh in and hope for the best!! (not good - too scared)
2. Spend three hours trying to calculate the calories on all of the above. (check - even though I knew it would be bad)
3. Write my blog (and hopefully it won't be a post full of "confessions") (sigh)

Wish me luck!! And have a great long weekend everyone!!

Day 109 - Excited to Wear This Dress

2009-09-04T06:53:00.001-04:00

First off... no this isn't a picture of me (I wish). But I have just ordered this exact dress to wear to a wedding I am attending in September. I ordered it in a slate grey colour. I am very excited about it... I want to also wear it to my company Christmas Pary in early December. This will be added incentive to maintain my new weight!!

Isn't that a pretty dress? It's got a tiny waist and a pencil skirt... this is a dress I never would have been able to pull off (even with my spanx) before I lost this weight!!

I have to shop for some new shoes that hide my toes since my toe nails are all falling off from running (which is a small price to pay to fit in this dress!) and a new bra, because the back is low cut.

I am just so excited! I might even try to style my hair like the picture (but it could be a disaster)...

Here is a picture of my dinner last night, a grilled veggie wrap with roasted garlic, avocado and laughing cow. Those are "lemon cucumbers" sliced in the background, I got them with my farm delivery and they were round (took me some searching on the internet to figure out what they were!). Yum!

Day 108 - Crap-tastic Lunch

2009-09-03T07:10:00.000-04:00

Well, I went out for lunch yesterday with my parents and my aunt and uncle that I haven't seen since my wedding (unavoidable - I couldn't possibly say NO).

And I REALLY REALLY did TRY to be good, I swear. I promise. Cross my heart. I totally THOUGHT I was making the BEST menu choice possible...

I ordered the EXACT same thing that I did the day before (but at a different restaurant). The grilled vegetarian sandwich on foccacia with salad and no dressing. WELL... this time, it was NOT healthy, I could tell! It was very greasy (I think the vegetables were fried, not grilled). Also there was pesto spread on the foccacia... it was delish though! Crappy AND fantastic. Crap-tastic!

I was a little upset, I tried so hard to order good stuff, but it can be a real crap shoot sometimes. I think I need to learn to start asking more questions in restaurants... How are the vegetables cooked? Is there oil or anything spread on the bread?

I tried to figure out the calories as best I could and then I had a very light dinner to help compensate. I went for a run last night (10km), and weighed myself this morning.. no damage done... (phew! I feel like I dodged a bullet!)

Now I have two days of clean eating before the bachelorette party in Montreal...

Day 107 - One Meal at a Time and August Recap

2009-09-02T07:57:00.000-04:00

Yesterday, I wrote about how frustrated (and stressed) I was about the unavoidable "diet land mines" that just seem to keep cropping up. After I wrote that post, I took a deep breath and told myself I'd get through it ONE meal at a time. Everytime I do well, that's one meal under my belt and one less chance to start a major week long binge.

So, I think I did very well. At the Italian restaurant I ordered a Grilled Vegetarian Sandwich on Foccaccia with a side salad. I had the salad with no dressing, and I took some of the extra cheese off the sandwich. For dinner at bookclub, I was very happy to see my girlfriend served "make your own Pizzas". She had small store bought pizza crusts that we could make up from a spread of veggies, meat and cheese and then she baked them for us. I made mine vegetarian and had only a sprinkle of cheese. She served fruit salad and nanaimo bars for dessert and I skipped the nanaimo bars! Yay me. I got through all that (and I weighed myself this morning... no damage done).

So now I feel like I still have a clean slate to tackle lunch out today (with my aunt and uncle from out of town... and the big bachorette party weekend).

I also want to post my August recap:

Daily Average Calories Consumed: 1394 calories
Daily Average Exercise Minutes: 52 minutes
Daily Average Calories Burned: 426 calories
Weight Lost in August: 11 pounds

Here is my little chart to compare my calorie requirements (red bar = BMR + Exercise) to my calorie intake (green bar). I only went over my calories requirements once (in the days surrounding my birthday). Overall, a very good month I'd say...

Day 106 - Frustrated with Unavoidable Splurges

2009-09-01T06:41:00.000-04:00

I get so completely frustrated when unavoidable events derail my eating regime. I'll give you two examples from this week coming up...

On Tuesday (today), I have been invited to a lunch meeting for a colleague that is retiring soon. So, I have to eat my lunch out in an Italian Restaurant that has very few (if any) options that would come close in calories to what I usually eat at lunch... Then, Tuesday evening (the very same day) I have my monthly bookclub meeting. This means that I can't compensate for lunch with a lighter dinner, because I will be a guest in somebody's home with no control over the menu!!

If that wasn't bad enough...this weekend coming up, I am heading to Montreal for the Bachelorette Party of a good friend. This will mean, two lunches, two dinners and two breakfasts in restaurants, and I can't go to a bachelorette party and get away with not drinking (I don't want to be a party pooper)...sigh. How will I survive that?

I am only 1.4 pounds from my goal weight, and with these unavoidable events all packed into one week what are the chances I will get to my goal weight by Monday???

Chances are low, I'd say.

It just frustrates me SO MUCH, because to be truthful, I would much rather eat my own food at home...

Anyway, here are a couple of photos of my dinner last night. Huevos Rancheros (comes to 420 very yummy calories). I had an appointment with my personal trainer at 6:30, so I had to eat my dinner early, before the family (I made spaghetti for them).

Steamed brussel sprouts might seem like an odd thing to eat on the side with some Huevos Rancheros, but I really love me some brussel sprouts!

Day 105 - Blogging Absense and BIG clothes

2009-08-31T07:15:00.000-04:00

I know that whenever I notice that a weightloss blogger hasn't posted in several days, I am immediately concerned that they are "off their game" and struggling. I haven't posted for 6 days, but I want to assure you that this is not the case with me. I'm doing fantastic. We were away for the weekend camping and I stuck to my plan the entire time! I weighed in this morning and was down to 131.4 (SO CLOSE TO GOAL!!)

Something else I did this weekend is clean out my closet and throw out all my ill-fitting clothes. I've lost weight countless times before and this is something that I have never done. Maybe I just never had the confidence in myself to take that step.

This time, however, I have thrown out (or donated) every piece of clothing in my closet that is currently too big. Yes, I realize that if I gain weight back, I will have nothing to wear, and I will have the most unpleasant task of having to go clothes shopping at a bigger size. But that is a risk that I am willing to take, because I truly believe (for the first time) that this isn't going to happen to me again!

I did hesitate a little about this because even my husband, as supportive as he is, was dubious about me throwing out all the "big" stuff. I found this a little upsetting... "he doesn't think I can do it". But in his defense, I have a really crappy track record! So, I'm not going to let his doubt get me down, no, I'm going to use it to fuel my determination. I'll show him!!

Day 99 - Movie Snacks (or not)

2009-08-26T07:08:00.000-04:00

Last night, I went to see The Time Travellers Wife with some girlfriends. I was a little nervous because the last time I went to see a movie with them, I ate almost a huge bag of movie popcorn by myself (YIKES). So this time, I saved a few calories and snuck a little paper bag with 30g of microwave popcorn into the theatre.

Then, neither of my girlfriends bought anything to eat at the theatre, and I didn't want to be rude and get out my popcorn when they had nothing (and I didn't bring enough to share)... so it sat in my purse. I ate it when I got home though at about 10pm, I wouldn't normally eat that late, but I saved the calories and I just WANTED it.

I really like those blogs where people show pictures of what they eat everyday. I don't think I will do that all the time, it would be too boring (I tend to eat a lot of the same things over and over). But here is a picture of my dinner last night. I ate on my own before the family because of the movie, so I took the opportunity to have some french toast again.

Day 96 - My Arms

2009-08-25T07:15:00.000-04:00

What's your favorite body part? The part that you are most proud of?

I am really proud of my ... arms (at the moment, anyway... lol)

I work really hard on my arms. I lift heavy weights and I can do lots of "men's pushups". In the summer I love to wear sleeveless tops. Sadly, the definition in my arms is probably one of the first things that I lose when I gain a little weight. And it is the part of me that I use to judge whether I am happy with where I am, weight-wise. Picture me standing in front of the mirror in the morning, flexing my muscles (yes, women do that too!!!). Even 10 pounds can make a pretty big difference in my arms. I am pretty satisfied with how they look right now.

And so, without further ado... I'd like to indroduce my arms... say "Hi" to Betty and Wilma. OK, ha ha, I'm just kidding, I haven't named them... YET...

(Gosh that Birthday cake must have been really HEAVY!)

Yesterday, I had a good day. I made a Tomato and Basil Pizza on a whole wheat pita pocket for dinner. Since I didn't put meat on it, I had calories to spare and I was able to put LOTS of cheese (yum). I spread 28g (1 oz) of goat cheese on the pita, sprinkle some basil, add sliced tomato and then 15g of grated parmesan. Then I broil it until is all bubbly. All that for only 277 calories! Delish!

Day 98 - Dealing with Setbacks

2009-08-24T07:05:00.000-04:00

One of the most challenging aspects of weight loss and weight management for me has always been dealing with setbacks. When I have setbacks, like I did this past week, I get mad... mad at the unfairness of "never being able to have any treats without gaining weight".

This is something that I am learning to deal with a little better. Overall, I had a good week last week. I ate on plan every single meal with the exception of TWO. My birthday dinner on Thursday night, and Friday night (I went out after work with coworkers and had three beers and an individual sized vegetarian pizza). Saturday and Sunday I was back on track. Sunday, I ate a little more than usual (1600 calories) but I did an 18km run (2 hours and 2 minutes of running!) in the morning, so I needed those extra calories.

This morning's weigh in? 135.0! Up 1.2 pounds from last Monday. CRAP!

I know I ate two REALLY REALLY bad dinners. But I was pretty honest when I estimated the calories (I logged 1100 for that pizza, to be on the safe side). But, even with bad factored in, last week my daily average calorie intake was 1788. Is that really enought to gain 1.2 lbs? Does that mean I can NEVER eat 1800 calories per day without gaining weight? Even with all my running? I ran 18km yesterday!! And I was still up 1.2lbs? Hello? Metabolism? Where are you? Have you deserted me in my time of need???

I could let myself get really upset about this. Or, I could just shrug it off and keep going. So, I'll maybe take an extra two weeks to get to my goal weight now... but really, where's the rush? This is a lifelong project.

Day 95 - Birthday Dinner Confession

2009-08-21T07:26:00.000-04:00

This is pretty funny, but I think I spent nearly as much time trying to calculate the calories of everything that I ate for my Birthday Dinner as I did actually EATING it!!

I am pleased to report that I followed my plan exactly. I ate my regular breakfast and lunch, I went for a run. I was famished when I got back from run so I ate a green pepper (yes a whole green pepper) and a half a banana to tide me over, since dinner wasn't until 7pm.

At dinner, I ordered what I wanted. It was a high calorie dinner and I overate, for sure, but I don't feel bad or guilty about it because I don't consider it a "binge". Since it was a fancy restaurant, the portion sizes were pretty small. I really had to just "guess" a lot of the calories, so I could be off (who knows).

I had 3 glasses of red wine, some popcorn that they bring to the table when you sit down, a dinner roll with butter (YUM), and some seafood ceviche with about 6 plaintain chips. For my main course I had grilled guinea fowl (with skin and BBQ sauce), it came with a "potato risotto" which was sort of like a hot potato salad and steamed spinach. For dessert I had Jamaican Rum Bread Pudding with Ice Cream and caramel sauce.

I was very proud of my kids, they split an order of Rabbit Fricasse and ate it all (I didn't lie and tell them it was "chicken", either!!). I tried bites of everyone elses dinners and desserts, but I didn't log them, since I gave them bites of mine in exchange, and I figure that's probably a "wash"...

I felt really full after dinner, and I actually wasn't even hungry for breakfast this morning (but I ate it anyway)... I was also up 2lbs (but that will go away fast, I'm sure)...

Here's what it looked like... be prepared for sticker shock!!!! It's always a little surprising how fast those calories add up! And this was a fairly healthy meal in a fancy restaurant (e.g. no deep frying)...

Day 94 - It's my Birthday and I'll Binge if I want to...

2009-08-20T07:07:00.001-04:00

KIDDING!!!

In my post yesterday, I wrote about getting a little crazy with my eating last year on my birthday (OK, a LOT crazy). I used my birthday to rationalize some very unhealthy choices, and I ended up not enjoying my food as much as I would have otherwise. I also wrote about how I wasn't going to do the same thing this year...

And I won't. BUT. Here is something else that I am not going to do.... I'm not going to restrict myself to the point that I feel deprived on my birthday.

So, I have a plan (it's all about planning, BABY!). I am going to eat the exact same breakfast and lunch as I do everyday... my coworkers have already offered to take me out to lunch, and I said "no thanks! I am going out for a special dinner tonight, and I want to save myself for that. Thanks for the offer though!"... and they said "BOOO! You're no fun". And maybe they're right, but if I'm going to be "boring"... I am at least going to be "thin and boring!!". HA!

After work, I am going out for a 10km run (which will burn in the area of 600-700 calories) and then I am going to order whatever I want for dinner. An appetizer and a main course, and possibly even a dessert if I still have room. The fancy dinner will be my ONLY splurge for the day, and not an excuse to say "oh well, today is already messed up"... I think that's a good compromise!

We are going to an aboriginal bistro... they have lots of interesting things like boar bacon, and bison... I'll report tomorrow about what I chose...

I had a good day yesterday. I had grilled salmon and veggies for dinner, which ended up being lower in calories than my usual dinner... but it was great because I had room for a nice snack when I got back from my 7km run...

Day 93 - This Time Last Year

2009-08-19T07:12:00.000-04:00

Let me talk a little about this time last year...

It was my birthday. I had just reached my goal weight (actually I was three pounds below my goal weight at 127). It was my birthday (did I mention that already?)

It all started the night before, when my Husband suggested that we go out for breakfast on my birthday as a treat. We'd drop the kids at daycare, have a nice quiet breakfast alone and go into work a bit late. Sure! Why not, that sounds like a treat I could tolerate now that I'd reached my goal weight (with a few buffer pounds to spare).

So we went out for breakfast. I ordered the hungry man special (HEY, it was my birthday!!) It was a full bacon, sausage and egg breakfast with homefries and french toast on the side. It was WAY too much food, but it was delicious and I fully enjoyed every single bite.

I went to work, and at some point in the morning, one of my coworkers suggested that they take me out for lunch to celebrate my birthday. Sure! That would be great, but they weren't free for lunch until about 1pm... I'm use to eating lunch as noon on the dot, so I better have a snack, right?? Besides, it's my birthday! So, I ran over to the coffee shop next door and I ordered a fresh cup of coffee and a raisin, cinnamon fritter... one of my absolute favorites (which I hadn't enjoyed in MONTHS and today is a right off anyway... right??). The fritter was huge - way too big for one person, but I ate it all and enjoyed every single bite.

For lunch, my co-workers took me to my favorite Lebanese greasy spoon. I ordered the combo plate with "extra sauce" (it was my birthday, blah blah). The combo plate consisted of a huge pile of greasy rice pilaf (seriously there was grease pooled under it), chicken and beef strips, a fattoush salad, pita bread, and garlic sauce (basically a full fat garlic mayo to dip everything into). Since I asked for extra sauce, I probably had around a 1/4 cup of mayo... it was delicious and I enjoyed every single bite...

For an afternoon snack I had come chocolate pecan bark that had been stashed in my desk drawer (it had been there for months, but I hadn't eaten it because I was being "good", I guess I should have thrown it out). I wasn't even close to hungry, but it was my birthday, and the day was already completely messed up!! Right?

Did I mention that we had dinner reservations for my special birthday dinner? Reservations that we had made a month in advance to go with my parents for a birthday treat at one of my favorite fancy italian restaurants?

Well by the time I left work at 4pm, I was feeling horrible. I was bloated and my tummy actually HURT! Our reservations were for 6:30pm...I was hoping that 2.5 hours would be enough time to work up my appetite a bit so I could eat my dinner! My new size 6 skirt that I planned to wear felt tight on my bloated belly... so I was uncomfortable the whole evening.

I didn't want to admit to any of my family about how much I had eaten that day (my husband only knew about the breakfast... and HE skipped lunch, because he was "still full at noon"... boy I wanted to punch him in the nose when he said that... but truthfully I was mad at myself, not at him)...

So, I ordered an appetizer (can't remember what), a full meal (veal gorgonzola), and tiramisu for dessert. I had to force most of it down, and I didn't enjoy ONE SINGLE BITE. I was in agony.

This was the beginning of the end... I was afraid to weigh myself after that, had a disastrous binge-filled business trip the very next week and by Christmas I had gained all my weigh back...

I am telling this story because tomorrow is my birthday and we are going out for my annual traditional birthday dinner to a fancy restaurant with my parents. This year, I resolve to do things differently....

Had a good day yesterday, and lifted weights for an hour and got in a fast 5km run...

Day 92 - My Skinny Daughter

2009-08-18T06:26:00.000-04:00

I have two children. My daughter is 9 and my son is 6. I believe that I feed my family very well. I love to cook and we eat every meal (except lunch Mon-Fri) together as a family. I spend a lot of time packing healthy (and low garbage environmentally friendly) school lunches for my children and dinner always includes several vegetables and other healthy things. Even when I'm in "weight gain" mode, the family still eats healthy (most of my weight gain would happen BETWEEN meals)...

But, they are children, so I DO let them enjoy their treats (and they DO give me a hard time about eating veggies sometimes). When I am having my low calorie dessert, I give them a couple of options: fruit, yoghurt or 2 cookies (never three, only two!). My daughter usually picks the cookies (or the least healthy out of all the options that I give her), my son usually picks the fruit. Sometimes I also give them options for breakfast... would you like whole wheat toast with peanut butter? or Corn Bran squares with banana? or a scrambled egg with english muffin? My daughter will sometimes ask for something like pancakes, or waffles or a sugary cereal. I mostly say no. Those are reserved for treats.

I should mention that my daughter (both my kids actually) are very thin (almost skinny). Yet, I worry about my daughter's habits, I see so much of myself in her food choices. She loves bread, and cream sauces, and cheese, and fried stuff, and peanut butter and chocolate, and pizza (I can't blame her for loving those things!). I worry about what will happen to her when she stops growing taller ... will she suffer from the same yo-yo dieting hell that I've been in since highschool?

How do I prevent it? How can I teach her healthy habits without giving her a complex (like mine). I don't want her to obsess about it, but she needs to learn that there are some foods that she should eat in moderation...

When we are in restaurants I never order for my kids off the children's menu (it's full of garbage). I always order an adult meal for them and ask for two plates so they can share. The last time we were out, she wanted to have a pasta dish in a gorgonzola cream sauce... I hesitated, and she said "What's wrong Mommy, is it too fattening?" She's already got the lingo! And I got a super dirty look and a "head shake" from the lady at the next table.

I let them order their "fattening meal" and told myself not to sweat it too much, they are kids and they'll burn through it in no time...

...but I worry all the same...I worry a lot...

Yesterday's Grub:

Day 91 - Not Eating ENOUGH!

2009-08-17T07:26:00.000-04:00

I never ever in a million years thought that I would have this problem, but sometimes I do...

I know that some people (e.g. my DAD!) think that counting calories is ridiculous and obsessive, but for me it really really helps. It helps not only to ensure that I am not eating too much, but also to ensure that I am eating ENOUGH!! Each day I try to eat between 1300 and 1400 calories (a little more on long run days), and I never ever like to dip below 1200...

On Saturday, I was busy all day and at my Mom and Dad's for dinner. So although I weighed and wrote everydown down and I felt full, I didn't get a chance to input everything to Calorie King until Sunday afternoon. Oops! I didn't eat enough Saturday! I even said "no thanks" to dessert at my Mom's (she served Rhubarb Crisp with Vanilla Frozen Yogurt)... turns out I probably could have had a piece! Darn it!!

This morning was my weigh in and I was down to 133.8, that is 3 lbs in one week which I know is bordering on too fast... still my goal weight is within sight, and I just want to get there! (yesterday!!)...

Overall, the weekend was very good, and I did two training runs (10km on Saturday and 12km on Sunday)...

Day 88 - Goals

2009-08-14T07:58:00.000-04:00

Having firm goals to work towards is one reason (I believe) that I am so good at losing weight, but not so good at keeping it off. When I have my eye on a stake in the ground (i.e. 130lbs) my motivation is high, and my success is measurable each week when I step on the scale.

This is part of the reason why I find weight maintenance to be such a challenge. What's my goal? Stay the same? That's not a fun goal! What will be my source of encouragement and motivation?

Maybe what I need to do is continue to set goals for myself. I need some goals that are measurable and which will provide me with a sense of accomplishment and encouragement.

I will have to try to come up with some goals that I can set for myself after I reach maintenance. Whatever I come up with won't have the "high" of stepping on the scale each week and seeing a drop. But, I have to learn to be encouraged and motivated by stepping on the scale and seeing "no gain" instead!

I ate well yesterday. For dinner I made a pork tenderloin that I stuffed with 2 wedges of laughing cow cheese, red onion and fresh basil, then I wrapped it with slices of proscuitto and tied it up. My husband barbequed it and it was delicious! Usually, I just serve myself 100g of meat at dinner, but it was too confusing with the added ingredients in the stuffing so I just added up all the calories of the recipe raw (437g raw pork, 2 wedges laughing cow, 4 slices proscuitto etc), and then weighed the entire cooked tenderloin (505g) and then measured myself 1/4 of it (125g). This might seem a little obsessive, but it really becomes routine to figure this stuff out (and I kind of enjoy doing it). My husband even knows when he's carving the meat, to carve mine right onto the scale, and sometimes when I am serving out my veggies I call out the amounts to him "81g carrots!" and he writes them down on my little notepad for me...

Day 87 - Something I Do Well...

2009-08-13T07:07:00.000-04:00

and that is... exercise.

From the date on my gym card I can see that I joined on September 30, 2006 and I've never looked back. I have gone to the gym consistently ever since. I almost never miss my workouts. I do weight training 2 times per week (for 60 minutes each time). And I do cardio at least 4 times a week. Since I started running outside this past May, I go to the gym less for cardio, but still for my weight training.

What I find interesting, is that despite all this exercise that I do... I have still gained my weight back twice (while I was working out!). When I've gained weight, I could press my fingers into my stomach (past my rolls of fat) and feel my strong ab muscles in there, or squeeze my arm and feel my strong biceps, but those muscles were very far from being visible. What this demonstrates, to me anyway, is that exercise is only part of the equation (an important part, but only part). I can work out on the elliptical trainer like a fiend for an hour and I will burn 600 calories or so. But I can eat those 600 calories back (and more) in mere minutes with an ill-thought-out in between meal "snack"...

Does that mean all my exercising was in vain? Of course not. I am very fit (whether I LOOK fit or not), and when I do lose weight, it doesn't take as much work for me to GET INTO good shape, because I already have good muscle tone (its just all hidden by a layer of pudge)...

This is why I almost never "eat back" my exercise calories. I think that's a slippery slope. It is easy to fall into the trap of believing that you can eat more because you exercise (I know that I can't). The exercise just helps to burn off what I am ALREADY eating. I know that when I hit maintenance I will be able to eat a little more than I do now, but I will never say to myself... oh I burned 760 calories today on that 10km run, so I can eat my regular food PLUS 760 extra calories. I will just monitor my weight, and if I start going below my goal weight (as if - ha) THEN I will increase my calories...

I ate well yesterday, and I had my planned French Toast for dinner. It was soooo good, a MAJOR treat. It didn't really fill me up though. I usually rely on my dinner to help me get my vegetable quota for the day, and I just couldn't figure out any way to work vegetables into my French Toast... so I am a little low. I'll catch up on veggies today promise!):

Day 86 - Freedom from Spanx

2009-08-12T07:52:00.003-04:00

When I am bigger, I often resort to wearing Spanx-like undergarments, especially when I am dressed up for a special occassion. The ones I liked were sort of like bicycle shorts, they had a high waist and went down almost to my knees (so they wouldn't cut in and leave tell-tale dents). It would give me a certain sense of security... I know they didn't make me look thinner, but those stretchy, tight shorts would reduce the jiggle factor and the lumpiness. They were far from comfortable though! I would never quite forget that I was wearing them, and I would have to run to the ladies room constantly to discreetly tug them back down (they would sometimes ride up my legs). I was also super paranoid about somebody seeing them. If I crossed my legs while sitting down I would always be checking to make sure my skirt was covering them.

When I am thin, I enjoy my freedom from these compression torture devices.... uh, I mean...undergarments. I can wear a dress with my normal undies, and feel perfectly fine! This is a great feeling. I threw my Spanx away this past weekend. I have no intention of ever needing them again! I tried them on before I chucked them, and they were sort of loose. Not much point having compression undergarments that don't compress anything!

Yesterday was vegetarian day at our house. I made eggplant parmesan. It was very good, and my husband reported that it filled him up! My husband is not home for dinner tonight, so I am taking the opportunity to have something that I've been craving for a while..... French Toast! Yum, I can't wait. I will make a lightened version, and I will keep within my calorie range...

Here's my daily recap:

Day 85 - How Much Should I Weigh?

2009-08-11T07:16:00.000-04:00

This is something that I have been thinking about a lot lately. How much should I weigh? For me, it is a balance between having the body that I dream of and being realistically able to maintain it long-term.

Right now my BMI (22.1) is well within the healthy range. But, I've been in the healthy range since I hit about 150lbs, and I still felt too big at that weight. When I search "ideal weight" or "happy weight" on the internet, I usually get huge ranges, anywhere from 118 to 155. I can't imagine weighing 118, I think I would look very skinny (too skinny).

In the past, I have felt best about my appearance when I weigh about 130lbs (hence my goal weight). But I do wonder if that weight might be too hard to maintain. I've never managed to maintain it before, but to be REALLY honest with myself, I have never really stuck with maintenance. I have always reverted back to my old eating habits once I hit the goal weight... frankly I wouldn't be able to maintain any weight (130 or 140 or 150) eating the way I do when I'm being careless...

So, I am sticking with 130lbs as my goal, and when I hit it, I am going to switch my efforts to maintenance and try to figure out what my maintenance calories are. Right now, I'm averaging about 1390 per day, and I'm losing about 2lbs per week. So, I am going to increase this slowly, until I level off...

I had a good day yesterday. It was a much needed rest day from exercise.

Day 84 - Weigh-In

2009-08-10T07:04:00.000-04:00

My weigh-in was this morning and I am down exactly 2 more pounds. That leaves me 6.8 pounds from my goal weight. I predict that it will take me one month to lose that... I am excited to be at goal (and a little impatient too)... I just want to get to maintenance, especially while my motivation is still high, so I can start getting on with it...

I went for my training run yesterday, it was 16 very LONG kilometres. I feel good today, though! I will take today off from running, to rest a bit.

I ate good yesterday. We ended up going out for lunch to a chicken and rib restaurant called Scores. They have their nutritional information posted on-line, which is great. But they have hardly any healthy options which is bad. Before I went, I had decided to get a meal called Mediterranean Chicken, it was listed as 490 calories and 17g of fat for a chicken breast including vegetables and parmesan cheese. But when I got to the restaurant, I realized that in addition to the chicken and veggies, the meal also came with a pile of fries and a mound of rice (RICE AND FRIES???? who needs that?). So I ordered a chicken brochette that came with rice and greek salad. I knew from their website that all their salad dressings had about 100 calories per tablespoon. So I ate my salad plain. I only had one small piece of the chicken, because it was as dry as sawdust (yuck)... and I don't eat things I don't love! I had about 1/3 of the rice.

In the end, I probably ended up not getting ENOUGH calories at lunch, given my 16km run in the morning. Oh well. I ate a bigger dinner...

Here is my day:

Day 81 - No More Pretty Toes!!

2009-08-07T06:10:00.000-04:00

Well, I am learning the hard way that pretty toes and distance running can't co-exist. My toes are a wreck! I have blisters in between them, and some of my toenails are turning black. Yesterday I had to stick a sterile needle up under two of my toenails to burst blood blisters and relieve the pressure (ICK!). I'd post pictures of them, but on the off chance that I have ANY readers, I don't want to scare them away! I think I am resolved to live with ugly toes though. If running helps me to regulate my weight... well frankly I'd rather be thin with ugly toes than the reverse!

Since I won't post a picture of my toes, I'll instead post a picture of me running in my 10km race this past weekend, since I haven't posted any pics before. I am about 138lbs here, and I have 8lbs left until my goal weight. I will pretty much look the same as this once I reach goal... those last 8lbs will just give me a little more "breathing room" in my skinny jeans!

Here is what I ate yesterday. I made a very yummy light quiche from the Eating Well website. I left out the meat and made it vegetarian for our weekly "veggie night". It had a crust made with Phyllo pastry and it was delicious.

Day 80 - A Turning Point?

2009-08-06T10:19:00.002-04:00

I had a great experience yesterday. I went out to eat in a restaurant, and I didn't obsess about it, I didn't get stressed out, I had a delicious meal that felt like it wasn't "bad", and I left feeling good.

Going out to eat was my own idea. I chose a local Thai-Vietnamese place that I love. I ate my regular breakfast and lunch, and went for a run after work before we headed out. I ordered an appetizer of rice paper wraps (cold summer rolls with lots of veggies, pork and shrimp), there were two rolls with some peanut sauce. I ate 1.5 and used the sauce sparingly. I gave the extra piece to my husband to try.

For my main course I had a Lemongrass Seafood stir fry with steamed jasmine rice. It came with a lot of sauce, so I just ate the seafood and veggies out of the sauce, and left most of it behind (I liked it better that way anyway). There was more than a cup (estimated) of steamed rice on my plate. I ate it until the veggies were gone and then I stopped. I estimate that I ate half of it. I also had a glass of wine, but no dessert.

I was full, and it was delicious. Could I have eaten more? Sure! Did I need to? No! This might have been one of the first times I have ever left uneaten food behind at a restaurant. I never do it at home, but I always put the RIGHT amount of food on my plate to begin with.

When we were driving home, my husband said he was proud of me. I felt so good! I compared that to how I would have felt on the drive home if I had ordered deep fried stuff, had dessert, and over-eaten. That good feeling was more satisfying than the temporary rush that eating bad food would have brought me.

I consider this a bit of a turning point for me...

Also, I weighed myself the morning before the meal and the morning after. No change! Proof that I can enjoy social outings without derailing my healthy eating plan!

I had to estimate my dinner at the restaurant, but I think I had around 1756 calories for the day, and I burned about 509 during my run.

Day 79 - Maintenance Plan

2009-08-05T06:12:00.002-04:00

As usual, when I start getting really close to my goal weight, I start to worry about maintenance. Maintenance is usually where I eff everything up. Usually what I do is eat a few huge meals or have a binge and then I'm afraid to weigh myself... I will keep thinking that I will get everything back under control and THEN weigh myself, but I don't...

I think that I need establish a few "rules" to help get me through. I am hoping that once I have a few months of maintenance under my belt, it will get easier...

Maintenance Plan

1. Maintain Awareness! I must weigh myself every single day, with no exceptions. Yes, I might have "sticker shock" if I've been out for a big meal the night before... but no more denial, I have to weigh myself every single day (even Boxing Day!).

2. I will start maintenance when I hit 130lbs. I will not try to lose a few more "buffer pounds". (I've tried to do this before and never ended up reaching maintenance... I was always thinking "just a couple more"... BAD!!)

3. I will maintain my weight within a range (no more freaking out over a 0.6lb fluctuation!). My range will be 130-135. If the scale says 135 (or more) for more than two days in a row... I will reign in my calorie intake before things get out of control.

4. I will continue to count my calories (I will just eat a little more). I will adjust my calories through trial and error.

5. My extra calories will be used to eat more healthy foods (e.g. healthy snacks or increased portions of the foods I'm eating now), not to add in junk food which may trigger overeating.

6. Continue to exercise just as much as I am now.

7. Throw out ALL the clothes in my closet that is too big for me.

That is all I can come up with right now, but I might add to this list as I go along...

Here is what I ate yesterday. I was under in my calories, which is funny because I was hungry and thought I was going to eat more. I underestimated. Usually I sit down right after dinner and input all my calories from the day (that I've recorded on a notepad I carry around)... if I'm under, I'll go get a snack. But, I didn't have time last night, and I figured out my calories this morning (to late to go back and eat more yesterday!!). I didn't have a high exercise day... only 60 minutes of weight training, which I think burns about 200 calories or so??

Day 78 - 30 Pounds Gone

2009-08-04T06:14:00.001-04:00

Well, I weighed in and have officially lost 30lbs! Wow. I have only just a little less than 10 pounds left until my goal!

My cottage party weekend went very well. I am happy with myself and I didn't gain any weight. I pretty much just ate exactly the same food as I would have eaten at home, plus I drank some beer. But I ran in a 10km race on Saturday morning, and I ran a 16km training run yesterday. So that more than made up for my beer consumption, I think...

My 10km race went very well. I shaved 6 minutes of my 10km time. I ran it in 56:48. I am very happy with this result. It was very hard. I felt like I was sprinting the whole time, and there were lots of hills.

My 16km run yesterday went well. I felt good and I am in good shape today, except for a HUGE blister between two of my toes that is causing me to limp a little. I hope it toughens up by tomorrow.... I am going out for dinner and I want to get a 10km run in beforehand.

I have created a little graph to compare my calorie intake to my calorie needs for the month of August. For my calorie needs, I added my BMR to the extra calories I burned each day. I realize my calorie needs might actually be slightly higher, because I haven't accounted for any other activity I do (e.g. walking around, chewing gum - lol - etc). The dark red bar is my calorie requirement, and the green bar represents what I actually ate that day. The red line is a moving average of my calorie requirements, and the green line is an average of my calories eaten.

My goal is to keep the green line under the red line as much as possible. Even though there are a couple of days where the green bar went higher than the red bar, the average (for the most part) was good. There was one period where my average intake was over my calorie needs (due to a binge!). But overall, it didn't hurt me too much... I have been creating this chart every month since I started losing weight on May 19, and I have only had my average intake (green line) cross the red line 3 times, which is pretty good, I'd say.

My goal for maintenance will be to try to close the gap a little between the two lines, while keeping the green line slightly lower (to still make up for the times when the lines cross!)...

And here is what I ate yesterday. I did a lot of exercise but strangely I wasn't that hungry... today, however, I am famished.... I guess it caught up with me! I will listen to my hunger cues and eat a little more today...

Day 74 - Home Alone

2009-07-31T08:13:00.002-04:00

Most of my very worst binges have happened when I was home alone. Yet, today I am home alone all day long but I know, with absolute certainty, that I won't binge today. It's not even a remote possibility. So why is this?

Here are the reasons I will not binge today...

1) I have had a great week, and I am weighing in tomorrow morning and I don't want to mess it up!
2) I have a 10km race tomorrow morning and if I binge today, I will have an wonky stomach and it will make me sluggish.
3) I feel strong and thin right now and I am wearing my skinny jeans!

And on the days when I have binged, here are some of the conditions that are usually present....

1) My next weigh in is several days away and I convince myself I will have time to "reverse the damage"...
2) I have maybe already gone over my calorie allowance that day, for a planned special occasion or a meal out, so I have that "what the hell, I've already messed up my day" attitude...
3) I didn't exercise that day.

What this tells me is this: Maybe I should weigh myself more frequently; perhaps when I have a planned treat like a restaurant meal, I should be careful to not be alone after; and plan to exercise on days that I know I will be overeating. Sounds easy... but if you are reading this blog, you probably know that it is NOT!

Since I will be away for the weekend, and I will miss my weigh-in on Monday... I have decided to weigh myself on Saturday morning before I leave, and on Tuesday morning when I am back home. I will record the lowest of the two weights here for my "weigh-in".... but at least by weighing on Tuesday I might avoid having that free for all attitude over the weekend!

I ate well yesterday, except for my dessert after dinner... I had 17 Reese's Malt Balls!! It was planned, and it fit into my calories for the day, but I know they were empty calories. Sometimes, you just need to eat empty calories though.. for the fun of it! And boy were they good!! I counted them out and put them in a little bowl, and while I was savouring them with my coffee after dinner, I thought to myself: usually, when I eat a treat like this, it is while I am hidden in a corner, or in the basement - stuffing them in my face, as fast as a I can... and boy were they ever better eaten slowly, with the coffee out in the open and with NO GUILT ATTACHED!

After dinner, before my snack, I ran 6km in about 38 minutes.

Day 73 - Part Time Vegetarian

2009-07-30T07:12:00.000-04:00

I think I've written in a previous post about how I eat less meat as a strategy to reduce calories. I could never cut out meat completely, because I love it way too much, but I exist perfectly happily eating LESS meat. I rarely have meat at breakfast or lunch, and at dinner I limit my portion size to around 100g and fill my plate up with veggies and healthy grains.

Somehow, I have managed to convince my husband that a weekly "vegetarian" night for the family is a good idea (or at least not a horrible idea). I have to say he was a little reluctant - and I found this exasperating! I had to promise not to feed him tofu or anything "strange"! He could still have meat at lunch if he wants, but I want to cook a vegetarian meal for the family once a week. Last night was our first vegetarian night!

I made this recipe: Penne with Roasted Tomatoes, Garlic and White Beans.

I reduced the olive oil, but other than that I made it the same. My husband and kids loved it! Although, I thought it was pretty funny that my husband went back for a second full size serving (he doesn't usually eat that much). I think it was psychological... he "thought" he was still hungry or should get more just because there was no meat... lol. He probably ended up with more calories than usual, so the whole vegetarian thing might not work out as well for him!

Here is what my day looked like. I went for a 5km run after dinner.

Day 72 - Away for Weekend

2009-07-29T07:35:00.000-04:00

There is a long weekend coming up here, and we have plans to be out of town for the three days. This is my first "vacation challenge" since I started losing weight back in May.

We are going to a cottage with a bunch of friends. We all bring our tents and camp around our friend's cottage... and we generally all bring our own food and snacks. My strategy for the weekend is to basically pack the exact same foods that I would eat at home. I will measure everything out at home, so I don't have to measure and weigh things in front of an audience. The only thing I will do differently than at home... is drink. I won't drink any alcohol until after dinner... some of our friends drink beer, literally, ALL day long at the cottage. Not me! I will drink club soda during the day, and light beer at night. I won't get too hung up on the calories in the beer (a girl's gotta have some fun once in a while).

I will try to get in some exercise too. Saturday morning, before we head up, I am running in a 10km race (that should take care of Saturday's beer!). Sunday, I will try to swim and stay active. Monday, we are coming home, so I probably won't do any drinking that day... and I will try to run when I get home. I am missing my 16km training run since I will be away from home on Sunday... so I really should try to make up for it...

Also... I am going to miss my weigh in on Monday morning because I am not bringing my scale camping! I have been "weighing" my options:

1 - Weigh myself on Tuesday when I get home. Pro: it is closer to my actual weigh-in day and it will help keep me accountable on the weekend. Con: I might not like what I see on the scale after all that beer!

2 - Weigh myself on Saturday morning before I leave. Pro: it will give me until the following Monday (9 days) to recover and get all that beer out of my system before I have to weigh again. Con: It might make me feel like I have license to be BAD!

I can't decide what to do. I am leaning towards #2, because I feel pretty strong and don't think I will go completely crazy. Likely, I will end up weighing myself at both times (Friday and Tuesday), and recording the best weight of the two here... lol - is that cheating?

Last night I made some yummy quesadilla's for dinner. I love quesadilla's and you can make them very healthy at home, I sprayed the outside with a touch of cooking spray and browned them in the oven. I put some white beans in mine, but the rest of the family had roasted chicken leftover from Sunday night's dinner. Here is what it all looked like:

Day 71 - Snacks for Dinner

2009-07-28T05:01:00.000-04:00

Last night was my monthly bookclub meeting. It was my sister-in-laws turn to host, and I had been worrying about it a bit all weekend... my sister-in-law isn't known for her calorie conscious baking and cooking. Sure enough, she made some delicious looking individual sized desserts with ladyfingers and nutella and praline crisp and cream and chocolate (WHOA!). It was hard, but I decided not to have one... I hope I didn't insult her! They looked way too big, and I estimate they were probably around 500 calories each. I just didn't have room in my day for it! It wasn't an exercise day for me either.

She left me the extras, so I have 6 of them in my freezer. Maybe I will try one on a day that I am doing a long run!

I did very well with the dinner. There was a buffet style feast of veggie sticks, crackers, pita, dips and cheeses. I just took one dinner sized plate full and had no seconds. I counted the amounts I was taking in my head so I would remember later for logging. I didn't write anything down in front of people - I'm a little self conscious about that... and it always seems to bring out all sort of unwelcomed comments like "You don't need to lose weight"... or "loosen up, everyone needs to have treats once in a while..."

When I did sit down later to log it all, I had done very well. My judgement of amounts was pretty good. I was within 2 calories of my target for the day.

It was really a treat to have some of those snacky things, like cheese and crackers for a change. I don't really work snacks into my planning very often, because I prefer to save my calories for bigger meals. But by doing it this way... having snacky food for my meal, I was able to have a little more and really enjoy it!

Here is what it looked like:

Day 70 - Calorie Incinerator

2009-07-27T08:23:00.003-04:00

Yes, that's me... I'm a calorie incinerator!!

Yesterday, I ran 14km, in about 1.5 hours. According to my GPS, I burned 1059 calories, and my heart rate monitor said 986.... Although I like the idea of burning over 1000 calories, I'll go with the heart rate monitor total, as it is based on more than just a formula, and is probably more accurate.

This was funny... I ate a good breakfast, grapefruit, scrambled eggs, toast with jam... and I had a granola bar right after my run. So I came home and entered it all into Calorie King (my run and my food so far)... it was MINUS 376... and it told me I still had over 1600 left to eat for the day... LOL. I don't think I've ever been negative before. Although all that exercise might have been an excuse to go overboard, I didn't. I just added small extras into my regular meals, and had ice cream with blueberry sauce for dessert.

I weighed in this morning, and was down from last Monday (but not down from Thursday morning when I weighed myself before my BINGE!!)... oh well. Still down overall, and you really can't expect to binge like that with impunity!

Here is my food from yesterday:

Day 67 - Don't ever let yourself get too COCKY!!

2009-07-24T07:00:00.000-04:00

Just when I think I have this binging thing licked, it comes out of nowhere and bites me in the ass!!

I had a HORRIBLE day yesterday. Actually, I had a great day, up until about 7pm, the time of our reservation at a trendy little Italian Restaurant. After that, I completely crumbled!

The most embarrassing part was that after we got home from the restaurant, and I had finished eating my big meal, with dessert.... while my husband was upstairs putting the kids to bed, I ate more!! I wasn't even hungry, and I can't even articulate why I did it... but I did.

Had I ended my day after the restaurant meal I would have racked up 2145 calories (high, but not unreasonable for a meal out), but I didn't, I continued on and ate 914 more calories after I got home!!!

Let's work through the day to see if I can identify what happened to derail me so much...

I tried to pare down my breakfast and lunch slightly to accommodate more calories at dinner (not drastically, but a little). When I got home from work at about 4:30, my plan was to exercise for an hour. I got on my elliptical trainer and did about 5 minutes, I was HUNGRY, and had absolutely no energy... so I gave up on it (mistake #1?).

Because I was so hungry, and dinner was still hours away, I decided to have a snack. I was already feeling the urge to have something naughty at this point... but I resisted, I ate a plum and a half a cucumber.

At the restaurant, I decided to have what I want (within reason). Somebody else ordered a tray of shared appetizers, and I had a small amount (a few zucchini sticks, a few pieces of calamari and I split a slice of bruschetta with my husband). I had a piece of bread from the breadbasket, but I used butter (from one of those little packets) instead of the oil and vinegar (even though I prefer the oil and vinegar) because the butter is easier to portion and measure out.

For dinner, I avoided anything with a cream sauce which was hard at this restaurant (the chef really likes cream, apparently) and I had veal marsala. Everyone else was getting dessert, but I didn't get my favorite (tiramisu)... instead, I had ice cream which is easier to count, and my husband had a few bites.

Oh... and I had a glass of wine.

Ironically, if I hadn't binged when I got home, and had the tiramisu (which I really wanted), I probably still would have come in with less calories then I did. Of course there would have always been the danger that I would have had the tiramisu and still binged, which would have been even worse again.

So, when no was looking at home, I ate a few of those things I'm always craving, but rarely indulge in (because I have trouble controlling myself).... dates stuffed with peanut butter, reese's pieces, cookies... etc...

I went to bed feeling uncomfortable and angry with myself.

If there is a silver lining at all to any of this... here are a couple of positive's

- Some of my past binges have been much worse!
- I did make OK choices at the restaurant (given what I had to work with).
- I was doing very well already this week, and I have three full days before weigh in to address any damage.
- When I woke up this morning, I still felt thin, and looked the same as yesterday, and my jeans still fit (e.g. one bad day doesn't make you fat... only if you string them together).
- I am back on track today, and I have long run planned tonight.
- Maybe it will shock my metabolism into speeding up?? (that one might be a stretch... or just wishful thinking! lol)

Well that's it... I can't think of anything else that's positive from this.

In the spirit of full disclosure... even thought I'm horribly ashamed of it... here is what I ate yesterday in BLACK and WHITE!!!

Day 66 - I did it again!

2009-07-23T07:07:00.000-04:00

Well, I am going out for dinner in a restaurant tonight (sigh)... I don't even want to, I'd much rather eat at home. I have a ton of beautiful fresh veggies in the fridge that I need to use up! But, we were invited, and "I don't want to eat too many calories" doesn't seem like a very nice reason to refuse a dinner invitation.

So, I did it again... I couldn't help myself.... I weighed myself this morning. It's like I want to get the "good" number before I go and mess it all up! Well, I weighed 141.4 ?!?!?!? huh??? On Monday (three days ago!) I weighed 144.4! Three pounds in three days! Monday must have been a "false" high or something... very strange.

So anyway, here's my dilemna. Do I try to be REALLY good at dinner, and stay under my calorie target for the day (I would have about 600 calories available for dinner... not a lot for a restaurant). Or, do I take another unplanned "free day". I kind of want to do the "free day".... I would still have Fri-Sun to be good before my official weigh-in on Monday, and I am obviously (according to my interim weigh-in) doing well this week. BUT, it just seems like a bit too close to my "free meal" that I took last Friday night (less than a week apart)... and I really don't want to be left with that guilty, regret feeling after you overeat...

I don't even know what restaurant we are going to yet (somebody else is picking) so it is very very hard to plan! To top it all off, today was supposed to be my "rest day" from exercise. Not a good idea to take your rest day the same day as a big restaurant meal. But, I ran 5km yesterday and the day before. I don't want to overdo it, because I have a big 14km distance coming up on Sunday.

Phew... I have a lot of issues, don't I??

Here's what I ate yesterday... a good day. When I got home from my run after dinner, I sat down and entered all my food into Calorie King... and low and behold, I was about 150 calories too low for the day (LOVE IT when that happens)... I wasn't that hungry, but I just don't like seeing less that 1200, especially when its a running day, so I had a snack before bed. I didn't feel hungry before I made the snack, but once I took a few bites, I realized that I WAS hungry afterall... and I could have eaten my snack times 10!!!

Day 65 - Update

2009-07-22T14:58:00.001-04:00

I heard back from my sister-in-law... they want to go out for dinner TOMORROW night..... and THEY are picking the restaurant.... please give me strength!!!

Day 65 - Upsets and Obstacles

2009-07-22T06:38:00.000-04:00

My sister-in-law e-mailed yesterday because she wanted to get together with us tonight, her brother is in town and she wants us to meet him. My first inclination was to just invite them over for dinner, but frankly my house is a mess, and I just don't have time to clean it for tonight! So, I e-mailed back and suggested that we all get together for dinner at a restaurant (pizza or something). This is actually the last thing that I want to do tonight! I want to eat good! I was planning on doing lunch out on Friday with my co-workers this week (because I've been turning them down for WEEKS!!)...

I still haven't heard back from her, so I don't really know what's going on with dinner. I took my planned pork tenderloin out the freezer this morning "in case"... This is the sort of thing that just gets to me. Yes, I want to see them and Yes, I want to meet her family... but WHY does it always have to be at the expense of healthy eating plan!!

If we end up going, I will just have to manage. I will order a thin crust, vegetarian pizza, light on the cheese... and eat my own separate from everyone else's!

Yesterday, I did very well. I tried making coconut rice using a canned coconut juice with pulp. It was sweetened, so the rice turned out a little too sweet for my liking, but it was still good. I walked to the gym for weight training (15 minute brisk walk, and 60 minutes of weights), and then I ran home taking a longer 5km route (30 minutes).

Here is my food (I had a bagel with peanut butter and banana for breakfast as a treat - YUMMMO!)

Day 64 - Weigh-In

2009-07-21T06:02:00.000-04:00

So, as I've already written about several times... last week I had two meals out in restaurants. This made me a little nervous as I didn't want to mess up my weigh-in (normally scheduled for Mondays). So to try to lessen my anxiety, I weighed myself Thursday morning, before my first lunch out, then Friday morning before my second meal out, and then again on my regular Monday (yesterday).

Here is what it looked like:

I like to track things like this. I still lost weight even after my lunch out for Pad Thai on Thursday.... but I was very very careful about my lunch and dinner, and I probably still had a deficit for the day. On Friday, I ate a lot of food at dinner (close to 2000 calories). No deficit (apparently). Still, if I had not weighed myself AT ALL midweek last week, and just weighed in on Monday (like I am supposed to) I would have been down 1.6lbs and I would have been pretty happy about that. Overall, I think this is good, to eat a huge meal like I did on Friday, and still lose for the week is OK in my books. It's obvious though, had I not splurged, I would have recorded a bigger loss. I think that this bodes well for maintenance. It just proves that you can have your treats within reason and not gain all your weight back. WITHIN REASON being the important part!! :-)

Here is what I ate yesterday...

Day 63 - Survived the Free Meal!

2009-07-20T06:46:00.000-04:00

Every Sunday morning I have toast made with my homemade bread. LURVE the toast! Sadly though the toast doesn't seem to tide me over until lunch as well as cereal or oatmeal. Since I've been training for my half marathon, my long runs fall on Sunday mornings and my toast doesn't provide quite enough fuel. I've toyed with the idea of switching my toast morning to Saturday instead, but what I tried this week was having two scrambled eggs with my toast. It made for a higher calorie breakfast (535), but when you burn 850 calories running 12km right afterwards, I'm not sure that's very big issue!!

So, from now on, I will be rocking the Toast and Scrambled Eggs on Sunday mornings!!!

My weekend was good. I went out for "date night" with my husband on Friday, and by all estimates, I consumed about 2273 calories that day. I have no idea whether I estimated the calories for dinner well, I felt like I was eating about 3000 calories at dinner alone... Here's what I had:

Drink: 1 Mojito (and then I switched to Perrier)

Appetizer #1: Vegetarian Gyozas (there were 4 but I gave one to my husband)
Appetizer #2: Edamame (split with my husband)

Main Course: Grilled Flank Steak with plain steamed rice and some tempura vegetables and shrimp with a miso cream sauce (very yummmy - steak was lean and small portioned, a couple tablespoons of cream sauce and about 3/4 cup rice and 6 pieces of tempura, I gave a slice of steak to my husband and then cleaned my plate.)

Dessert: Tempura Banana and Ice Cream (shared with husband - so 1/2 banana and 1/2 scoop ice cream)

I tried not to have any more "splurges" for the rest of the weekend, but I did a lot of exercise so I didn't want to go too low, either (Saturday - 1393 calories) and Friday (below):

Day 60 - Free Meal

2009-07-17T07:19:00.000-04:00

Before I get into this post, I just want to take a moment to say... TWO MONTHS WOO HOO!!

Yesterday, I went out to lunch at a Thai restaurant, and although I ate a MOTHERLOAD of calories, I think I had a good day overall... I weighed myself yesterday morning and then again this morning and I was down 0.8 of a pound (over the day), so to me that means I didn't do any damage. The reason I am so happy about that is because, I am going out for dinner tonight, and I wanted to feel OK about having a "free meal".

I know that in my post earlier this week, I said that I don't take weekly planned "cheat meals"... and that is true, I don't. But I do relax on my plan sometimes, when the occasion calls for it. Tonight, I am going to a really nice "Asian Fusion" restaurant ALONE with my husband (no kids! Which is RARE)... and while I don't want to go crazy, I do want to just eat what I want. An appetizer, a meal, and maybe even a dessert (if I have room). Plus a glass of wine!

I don't want to have to scour the menu to pick the LEAST BAD options. I just want to have what I WANT to have. It's a fancy restaurant, so portions will be on the small side anyway.

Do I sound to everyone like I am trying to rationalize or justify being bad? That's how I sound to myself. But I think that's a bad attitude, I am not going to be "bad", this isn't bad, I am just going to have a reasonable, enjoyable meal, that will probably be higher in calories than my normal meals. But I will be right back to normal Saturday morning!

Here is my food from yesterday. The calories for the thai food is just a guestimate, but I think it's probably close. I looked at a bunch of different restaurant sources (that post nutritional info and serve Pad Thai). I also just tried breaking down the ingredients (i.e. 1.5 cups cooked egg noodles, 3 med sized shrimp, 2oz pork, 1 egg, 2 tbsp crushed peanuts, 2 tbsp oil for frying etc etc). Obviously, I had to guess the amounts, but after so long counting and measuring my food, I think I have a pretty good eye for these things. I also have no idea how much oil they used for frying, but 2 tbsp for one serving would be a lot, so I went with that to be safe.

I also went running after work (before dinner). Usually, I wouldn't be able to run at this time of day, because I would be low on fuel, but I guess my nice big "carby" lunch tided me over and fueled my 7.5km run beautifully... then I had the bowl of cereal right before bed so that I wouldn't go to sleep hungry.

Day 59 - Pad Thai - DAMN IT!!

2009-07-16T06:19:00.000-04:00

I'm having Pad Thai for lunch today, and THAT's THAT!!!

I haven't had a treat, or a "high" day since June 22! I've been invited to lunch today with a girlfriend and we are going to a Thai restaurant. Thai food is one of those things that seems healthy because there are lots of veggies etc... and I suppose that it IS good for you, it can also just be very caloric! Some say that Pad Thai is one of the things you should avoid at Thai restaurants (and I know that a clear soup with veggies and shrimp would be better), but Pad Thai is one of my favorites. I spent a little time yesterday on the internet trying to figure out just how BAD it really is (Bad Thai? LOL). The thing I learned is, if made traditionally, like it is in Thailand, it is probably not that bad. Pad Thai should have - rice noodles, some protein (shrimp, tofu, chicken etc), egg, bean sprouts, fish sauce, tamarind, garlic, dried chili, lime, sugar, crushed peanuts and some oil for stir frying (give or take a few ingredients depending on the recipe). I guess the key is the amount of oil that used, and the amount of peanuts that are heaped on top...

I found a range of nutritional information from about 350 calories (too low!) to over 2000 calories at Boston Pizza (probably not very authentic). Since I am ordering a lunch sized portion, I am going to guess for my logging that mine will be about 700 calories (I may adjust depending on how greasy it seems to be and how big the portion is)...

So, my plan is: 300 for breakfast, 700 for lunch, 300 for dinner. If the meal is HUGE (and I suspect its closer to 1000 calories), I will eat half for lunch, and save half for dinner: 300 breakfast, 500 lunch, 500 dinner.

Honestly, I wouldn't worry about it at all, except that my husband and I have a "date night" planned for tomorrow night at a fancy restaurant, and I was kinda planning to splurge then too!!! And I know from experiences that splurges (which are different from binges!!) aren't harmful unless you let them pile up back to back...

Here is what I ate yesterday:

Day 58 - Nutrition

2009-07-15T07:15:00.000-04:00

I have some general rules when it comes to my eating regime and nutrition. In general I am not a nutrition nut, but I am mindful of certain things... like achieving some balance, and making sure I get plenty of certain nutrients. Here are some of my "general rules".

1. Eat less meat. I could never go completely vegetarian, because I love meat too much - every kind! But I rarely make meat the focus of my meals. I have small portions of meat (usually 100 grams, cooked) and fill the rest of my plate with less calorie dense foods. I eat all types of meat, but predominantly fish/shellfish and poultry. Meat is usually only included in my dinner (rarely my lunch, and never my breakfast), and a couple of days a week I eat no meat at all. Meat is calorie dense and taking a vegetarian day here and there, gives you some flexibility in other areas for a change up (like having peanut butter - hmmm).

2. Avoid drinking calories. This includes smoothies, I am "anti-smoothie", I know they may be healthy, but I like to CHEW my food! I do put a "splash" of skim milk in my coffee and I don't log it (GASP!). But I figured it out once, I use 1/2 tbsp of skim milk per cup of coffee and this works out to 12 calories per day maximum. I also drink Green Tea with my lunch everyday, and low sodium club soda with my dinner. My only exception to this is alcohol and I limit this to wine and light beer on special occasions.

3. Eat whole grains. I try whenever possible to eat whole grain foods. Monday to Friday, my lunch includes 100% whole wheat breads (usually flatbreads or bagels). My only exceptions are sourdough bread on weekends (I have heard that white sourdough is better than regular white bread, but I'm not sure what the scientific basis for that is..) and rice, I just really don't like brown rice... it's too chewy... but I don't eat a ton of rice (maybe once a week), so I stick to white because I like it better (see #4, below).

4. Never eat anything I don't like. When you have a limited calorie budget, there is no room to eat food that you don't absolutely LOVE. I have over the years developed "go to" low calorie breakfasts/lunches that I love and which fill me up, and I pretty much stick with the formula that works.

5. Pay attention to macro-nutrients breakdowns (but not obsessively). In general I only count calories. Period. Not fat, not carbs - nothing else. It is almost impossible to eat TOO much fat, if you are on a calorie budget anyway (not if you want to feel satisfied). I often think back over the day when I'm planning dinner to make sure I've had veggies, grains, protein, etc. But I don't count. Using Calorie King, I averaged my nutrient breakdown over the last three months, and it looks like this: 55% carbs, 17% protein, 28% fat. I am very happy that I achieved that balance without counting anything but calories, and using common sense.

That's pretty much it, aside from some other small things. I exercise consistently. I stick to my calorie target (1300) whenever I can. I don't plan free days, or cheat meals (then I overeat just for the sake of it, because my "plan" says I should). But, if I have a special occasion, I don't worry about going over. I have in the past had trouble with binging, and I try to avoid things that may trigger binges. I take a multivitamin every morning, and I have recently started taking a calcium supplement, because I think I may be a little shy of 1000mg of calcium a day.

Here is my food from yesterday. I had planned to make couscous for dinner, but I was out, so I tried the same recipe with bulgur instead. Boy was it good! And, I've discovered that bulgur is slightly lower in calories than rice or couscous so I was able to have a little more! Bulgur is high in protein and fiber, and low in fat! 1/2 cup of cooked bulgur has 76 calories, 3g protein, 4g fiber and less than 1g of fat.

Day 57 - Makes me Wonder

2009-07-14T07:20:00.000-04:00

Get your own graph at skinnyr

One thought that usually keeps me going the entire way through my weight loss effort is the hope that when I am at my goal weight, that I might be able to figure out my appropriate calorie intake for maintenance, and that my calorie intake might be a little higher than what I am eating during weight loss.

Right now, my calorie target is 1300 per day, and if I average my intake out since day one on this eating plan, I've averaged 1389 per day (77791 divided by 56 days). This even includes a few days of serious over-indulgences. I am hoping that when I reach maintenance I will be able to increase the average to somewhere between 1600-1800.

But here is what makes me wonder... I weighed myself Friday and Saturday mornings and weighed 145.8 and 145.4, respectively. I was really good with my eating both days (in the 1200's). On Sunday morning, again 145.4. Great! Then on Sunday, I did a 10km run, burned a TON of calories, and I ate a little more (1425). I KNOW that I still had a calorie deficit that day! 1425 less the calories I burned running for 65 minutes?? Had to have been a deficit, right??

So Monday morning, I get on the scale... 146.0 (up more than 1/2 pound). Don't get me wrong, this doesn't really bother me, but it DOES make me curious.... what will happen when I try to increase my calories to about 1400-1500 everyday? Because that is what it will take to get an average of about 1600 (to account for occasional high days). If I ate another 1425 today, what would happen? Another small gain? And then another tomorrow? Does that mean, I can't EVER eat that much? (that is a sobering thought).

This is something that I really need to sort out, if I have any hope of making this weight loss stick! I have to learn to regulate my weight, and make adjustments as I go along. But my adjustments have to be in response to overall trends, not daily fluctuations... I need a system, and a plan!

Here is what I ate yesterday, we had some yummy grilled halibut for dinner. For dessert we had angel food cake (which is VERY low cal) and ice cream. I made a compote of stewed rhubarb to spoon over the ice cream. It was delicious!

Day 56 - Feelin' Skinny!!

2009-07-13T07:09:00.000-04:00

I had another great weekend (I'm really on a roll) and I am feeling thin! I'm at the point now where I know I don't really look seriously overweight anymore. Although I still have about 10-15lbs to lose... they are mostly vanity pounds. My current height and weight puts me in a pretty normal, healthy category. So although, I will keep going until I hit my target, I am feeling pretty good.

I navigated the weekend very well. I had a dinner out at my Mom and Dads, I kept my breakfast and lunch on the low side, since I didn't know what they would serve. They made a big turkey dinner with all the fixins, but I limited my portions, and they served fresh fruit for dessert, which was great. It was higher than my usual dinner, but it was a training day for me, and I did a 10km run in the morning. My GPS tells me that I burned 775 calories (based on a formula using my age and weight) so to me this means I can eat a little extra... even if the calorie burn estimate is high (which I suspect it is...).

Here is my weekend recap:

Friday: 1284 Calories, ran 7km
Saturday: 1228 Calories, 60 minutes strength training
Sunday: 1425 Calories, ran 10km

Here is my food from yesterday:

Day 53 - Friday Lunch

2009-07-10T06:53:00.001-04:00

Yes, I know I have two "Day 53's" in a row, but I think I must have miscounted or skipped a day at some point. TODAY is the REAL day 53!!

There is a bit of a tradition at work that a bunch of people go out for lunch every Friday. I can never decide whether to go or not. Here are the pros and cons to going out for lunch:

Pros
1. Get to socialize with my coworkers
2. They don't think I'm a dud that gets really BORING whenever she's on a diet.
3. Don't have to come up with some lame excuse as to why I can't go (so I don't have to SAY I'm on a diet).
4. I am probably a bit overdue for a "splurge meal".

Cons
1. I generally only allow one "splurge" meal per week, and I would probably prefer to save it for the weekend (going to my Mom's for dinner on Sunday night).
2. There is probably no restaurant they could pick where I would enjoy the food as much as the lunch I have packed for myself (toasted bagel with Peanut Butter and Banana, a juicy peach, yoghurt and a granola bar).
3. I don't want the food that I packed for myself to go to waste.
4. Splurging on Fridays has in the past caused a weekend tailspin of binging.
5. It will be hard to count the calories.

There you go, that pretty much sums up my internal struggle. I'd love to go with them, but I'd rather eat my own lunch...

Anyway, I'll add an edit to this post later with an update on my decision...

I had a good meal day yesterday. I was planning barbequed scallops for dinner. Which I thought was a low calorie meal. But then I started planning all the side dishes. I was going to roast the potatoes and snap peas in olive oil, and everything started to add up to too much. So I ended up baking the potatoes and steaming the snap peas, and just adding a tsp of light butter to each at the end. The funniest part was, when all was said and done and I sat down after dinner to log everything, I ended up being LOW for the day, so I could have gone ahead and roasted everything in olive oil... oh well. So even though I had some extra calories for the day, I didn't eat them, because we finished dinner at 7:30 and I didn't get hungry for a snack before bed. Also, it was a planned rest day from exercise, so OK to be a little low...

UPDATE: I decided NOT to go our for lunch, and I ate my packed lunch (I feel good about my decision)...

Day 53 - Half Way There

2009-07-09T06:27:00.000-04:00

I just realized that I am about half-way to my goal weight of 130. As in times before, when I start creeping up on my goal weight, I start to get anxious about the challenges that lie ahead with maintaining.

I want to be able to increase my calories intake in a controlled way. I think I could be very happy if I could eat between 1600 and 1800 calories everyday and maintain my weight. This is really hard to do though. Somehow, I feel like I've had a bad day if I eat that much (even if I burn it all off through exercise). Another problem that I have is when I start to increase my calories, this invariably leads to a few treats, which can be triggers (binge triggers!!).

I have to deal with this. I HAVE TO. I need a plan. I will work on developping it over the next few months that it will take to get to my goal. Something like this:

1. Increase calories slowly (e.g. add in an extra 500 calories spread over the week, and monitor weight, then repeat...).
2. Increase "weigh ins" from weekly to daily to better deal with lapses quickly.
3. Continue to count calories.
4. Keep up running.

I'm sure I will add more detail to this plan as I move along.

Here is what I ate yesterday. In terms of workouts, I did 60 minutes of weight training, and I ran back and forth to the gym (1.5km each way).

Day 52 - Vacations

2009-07-08T06:59:00.000-04:00

I don't know about everyone else, but if there is one thing with the potential to really mess up my healthy eating and exercise routine, it's a vacation. I usually do very well when I am at home in my routine, surrounded by my favorite healthy foods.

When I am on vacation however, all this goes out the window. There is usually less access to my low-fat, low-calories foods PLUS more temptation PLUS that "Hey, I'm on vacation!" attitude.

Normally, when my vacation is a weekend, or even a week, I just deal with the damage when I get home. Longer vacations, however, can do SO MUCH damage that it can be overwhelming. I've been known to gain up to 20 pounds on our annual 2 week vacation in Belize.

So, this is why I am already starting to freak a little about an upcoming vacation. It isn't until December, but we will be gone for a MONTH to New Zealand!!! I should be at my goal weight by then, which will make maintaining my weight that much more challenging.

For one week we will be house guests (so completely at the mercy of somebody else's grocery shopping and cooking)... and then for three weeks we will be travelling and staying in hotels and eating in restaurants. Will I be able to get Almond Milk and Laughing Cow Cheese, and Splenda etc etc? Will I be able to weigh myself? Have access to a computer to log my food? Who knows!!

I'm sure I will be writing lots more on this topic before our trip!!

Here is the food from yesterday. I did well, my Parents came over with takeout, but I suggested a cold roast chicken and salads (better than Pizza or Chinese and easier for me to track).

Day 51 - Weigh In

2009-07-07T07:06:00.002-04:00

I am posting from a different computer today, so I don't have access to my fancy dancy little spreadsheet to input my menu from yesterday, but I am going to write about two things today (1) My dinner last night which was FANTASTIC and (2) My Weigh-In yesterday which was FANTASTIC!!

My Dinner

I was on my own for dinner last night, which is usually a chance for me to have something that I love... Yesterday, ALL DAY LONG, I was thinking about what to make for dinner. Sometimes when I am alone for dinner, I have breakfast food (the kind I usually don't actually eat at breakfast - eggs, pancakes, french toast etc) but in the end I settled on a Croque Monsieur with roasted Brussel Sprouts. It was so good! And so BIG and so FILLING. I made the sandwich with 70g sourdough bread, mustard, 50g ham, 1 light cheese slice, and tomato. I soaked it well in 2 egg whites and 2 tbsp of skim milk, and then I fried it in 1 tsp of olive oil (1/2 tsp per side). Then I roasted 150g of brussel sprouts in the oven with another tsp of olive oil. For dessert I had 100g of fresh strawberries with 1 tsp of balsamic vinegar and splenda, and a kozy shack rice pudding. I was STUFFED. All this came to 449 calories!!

My Weigh In

148.4!!! Woo Hoo!! This is going even better than I had anticipated. I think I can credit that to the running and all the calories that burns!! I have told myself that if I ever start losing MORE than 2lbs in a week, then I will up my calories and try maintenance for a week. As exciting as this is.... I don't want to lose too fast. But so far, I think I am still OK....

Day 50 - Take Out Food

2009-07-06T06:03:00.000-04:00

Well first of all, I think I had a great weekend. I did a ton of exercise and ate really well. Since I ran 10km on Sunday, I made a batch of homemade strawberry ice cream with strawberries we picked that afternoon. But, sadly, when we went to eat it after dinner, it wasn't frozen enough. So, we had to save it. I had planned for all those calories, so I ended up eating something less. Now I'll have to wait until another high calorie need day to try the ice cream!!

My Mother called yesterday, they want to come by tomorrow night after I get home from work to visit and see the kids. She said they will bring takeout. I know they are just offering to bring dinner because they don't want to put me to a bunch of trouble cooking on a work day... but seriously, I don't want to eat a take out dinner mid week like that! I didn't know what to say, without seeming obsessive, so I just said "OK"... but now I'm stressed about it. Everything is going so well. I just do WAY better when I stay far away from my trigger foods... so why is it that people keep pushing them on me!

The worse part for me, is not being able to track it. Honestly I don't mind that much, eating more calories once in a while, but I want to be able to count them so that my calorie deficit tracking stays accurate. I don't even know what they are bringing, but it will probably be pizza or chinese (both very hard to track accurately). Ugh, maybe I'll swallow my pride and just e-mail and ask them to bring something good (or at least "less bad")...

Here's my weekend recap:

Friday: Calories 1224 (5km run)
Saturday: Calories 1451 (60 minutes weight training; 8km walk)
Sunday: Calories 1348 (10km run)

Here's the food breakdown for yesterday:

Day 46 - Explanations

2009-07-03T06:59:00.000-04:00

One of the things that I hate most about being in "weight loss mode" is have to make explanations to people about...why I'm not drinking, why I'm not having dessert, why I'm turning down second helpings etc... Some people can be pushy when it comes to making you have a piece of birthday cake, or drinking... When you tell the truth and say that you're trying to lose weight, you get a variety of reactions. There are those that say, "What? you don't need to lose weight!" (yeah right)... and those that say, "everyone has to treat themselves sometimes" (yes that's true, but not EVERY occasion can be a treat), and then there are those that can be downright surly about it, why they care I do not know, but I can only guess that it might have something to do with guilt (they feel bad about what THEY are eating, when others around them are being mindful)... who knows.

Over the years, I have developed a number of explanations, to explain away the fact that I am not eating/drinking more without having to mention the word "diet" or "weight loss"...

(1) Smile and say "no thank you" (I always try this first, and then resort to one below, if the food pusher persists).

(2) I am the designated driver (this is a GREAT one to avoid drinking and my Husband loves it, because I ACTUALLY am the designated driver, and no one EVER argues with this one).

(3) I am on antibiotics and I can't drink (this is great too because no one EVER asks whats wrong with you...)

(4) I'm full, I couldn't eat another bite (this one sometimes causes some raised eyebrows, because most of my friends know that I can eat my weight in party food, if I want to...)

(5) Food Allegies, lactose intolerance (to avoid pizza) etc (this only works if you are being offered food by people who don't know you well).

BUT... I have now discovered the greatest explanation ever! It is not tied to dieting, or really any lie at all, and people don't question it and it even causes sometimes people to react with admiration...

(6) I'm training for a half-marathon.

This works, most people have NO IDEA what is involved in training for a long run, so they don't question this. And its true that I am careful about what I eat/drink the night before a long run, because I don't want to upset my tummy.

I am going to dinner at my in-laws Saturday night, and doing a 12km run first thing Sunday morning, so I am going to try this strategy on my Mother-in-Law and report back next week.

Yesterday was a good day. It was a light workout day (only 60 minutes of weight training) and I ate well. I made an omelet for dinner.

Day 45 - 10 KM Race

2009-07-02T12:06:00.002-04:00

Yesterday, I successfully completed my first 10km race... in 1 hour, 1 minute and 44.1 seconds!! And... the best part... wait for it... I burned 744 calories doing it!!!

It was amazing, I can't even imagine what it will feel like to complete a half marathon, if I EVER get there!!

To treat myself after such an active morning, I ate BBQ chicken for dinner with the SKIN ON!! Wow, what a treat, it was so yummy!

Here's what I ate yesterday (I took advantage of the high calorie need day, to add some extra yummies into my morning pre-race bowl of oatmeal... it kept me full all morning, even after I raced!):

Day 43 - Eating Back Exercise Calories

2009-06-30T07:00:00.002-04:00

First off, my weigh-in yesterday was great! 150.4 lbs, down almost 2 lbs from last week. A miracle considering the 4200 calories I accidentally ate last Monday!! Just goes to show, a splurge every once in a while isn't the end of the world!

I am never sure exactly what to do with respect to eating back the calories that I burn through exercise. I have always in the past considered the calories that I burn through exercise to be "bonus calories"... I think that eating them back can be a slippery slope. Especially if you over-estimate how much you burned, or go by the numbers that the exercise equipment provide. But, in the past I have never really burned so many calories that this would be an issue. For example 30 minutes of speed walking on the treadmill or 30 minutes on the elliptical just doesn't burn THAT MANY calories (about 250 for my height and weight).

But, now that I have started running, I wonder if I should pay more attention to this. For example, yesterday I pretty much went through the day eating my normal meals - aiming for 1200-1300 calories. Then after dinner I went for a run. I ran 9.5km, in about 1 hour 10 minutes. I estimated that I burned about 650 calories. Went I got home, I was feeling light headed... probably because my body was trying to function on about 600 calories for the day (after you subtract the calories I burned)... so I had a snack, a little bigger than my normal snack, but not huge. The snack I had satisfied me...(2 ryvita crispbreads with 2 laughing cow cheese wedges and strawberry jam spread on them, and a peach for about 200 calories)... but it still didn't bring my calories up for the day enough to make a big difference. But frankly, I just didn't feel like having a heavy snack at 9:00pm...

Here's what I ate... my dinner was very small, but I just can't eat a big meal before I go running (unless I want to keep tasting it the whole way through my run - ICK):

Day 42 - Awesome Weekend Feel Great

2009-06-29T06:32:00.001-04:00

I had a great weekend in terms of both my eating and my activity. There were several opportunities for major stumbles... (a business trip on Friday, a dinner out at a steakhouse with friends and a bridal shower with a buffet)... but given my major lapse last week on Monday, I tried really hard to be mindful of what I ate.

For my 1/2 day business trip, I packed both my breakfast and my lunch. I'm sure I looked like a huge loser, turning down the breakfast on the plane and pulling out my own breakfast, but who cares! Plane food turned out to be a Cinnamon Roll, Nutrigrain Bar and a full fat yoghurt. Probably not TERRIBLE, but who knows how calorie dense that Cinnamon Roll was. At least with my whole wheat bagel, peanut butter and banana, I knew exactly what I was eating.

At the steakhouse, I had grilled halibut and steamed veggies. I asked them to hold the butter on the steamed veggies (yay me!). The halibut fillet was 10oz! Which is just way more food than you really need to eat. I gave probably a 1oz portion to my husband to taste, and I ate the rest (oops), but I had had a good day up until that point, and it was FISH! (which is NOT the same as eating a 10oz rib steak, well unless its deep fried fish!!) I also had one glass of white wine and no dessert.

At the bridal shower, I skipped the fruity punch, drank club soda... took one sandwich-sized plate of appetizers (it was my lunch, afterall!) and skipped the dessert tray. I estimated everything as well as I could when I got home, based on what I think the ingredients were. Sometimes I think I probably OVER estimate in situations like this. For example I had three cherry tomatoes stuffed with some sort of cream cheese filling, so I logged, 3 cherry tomatoes and 3 tbsp of full fat cream cheese. Well there was probably less than 1 tbsp of filling per tomato, especially given there was some other ingredients in the filling, and it is quite possible that the cream cheese might have been light... who knows! This is just an example, but I always try to use "worst case scenario" logic when I am logging foods that I didn't cook myself.

In terms of activity, I did a 7.5km run on Friday, an hour of weight training on Saturday, and a 10.5km walk on Sunday.

Edit: I just went back and re-read this post. And I thought to myself, goodness, what a lot of boring detail... does anyone care whether I ate three cherry tomatoes and that I didn't eat a cinnamon roll on the airplane... this is just the sort of thing that I used to go on and on to my husband about non-stop (poor man)... this blog just gives me another outlet for all that useless information. Whether anybody reads it, or cares about it is sort of beside the point for me...

Day 38 - Emergency

2009-06-25T06:31:00.000-04:00

So, my husband and I have been invited to a cottage party at the beginning of August. You know what this means, right??? Bathing Suit! In front of friends! *PANIC*!! Yes, this is the emergency. It puts a whole new urgency into my weight loss efforts. While I had been casually moving along thinking, "there's no rush"... as long as my weight is going down, it doesn't matter how fast (and I was really enjoying that frame of mind), now I don't feel so relaxed about it anymore...

So, this party is 5 weeks away. There is no healthy way to reach my goal weight by then (my goal weight is 130), so I'm not even going to consider that for a second. On average, I have been losing about 2lbs per week. If I continue with that trend, I will lose 10 more pounds before the party. That will put me at about 142lb. I could be happy with that! I will probably fit into most of my "skinny shorts" and I might even feel comfortable in my bikini (but if not, I'll just bring my one-piece too)...

There! Thanks for talking me through that! I feel better now! Emergency over.

I ate very well yesterday. I ran 5km in the sweltering heat, which was tough, and then I did an hour of free weights with my trainer at the gym. After my workout I ate two Ryvita Sunflower and Oat Crispbreads with Laughing Cow spread on them. This is a GREAT snack. I am signing up for a 10km race next Wednesday, I REALLY hope I can do it!!

Day 37 - Rest Day

2009-06-24T06:45:00.000-04:00

I took a rest day from exercise yesterday, I didn't really feel like I deserved it, because of my big binge-fest on Monday. But when I look back I haven't had a day off from exercise in a while, and I don't really believe in punishing myself for binging (by starving myself or over training)... I just need to dust myself off and get back on the horse. If I did some damage, well the worst case scenario might be that it will take me one whole extra week to get to my goal weight. In the big scheme of things, this is not a huge deal. The biggest risk of damage caused by occasional binging is to my motivation.

Ironically, Monday night after all that senseless overeating, somebody in my running group remarked that I'd lost weight. It was the first person to note it aloud. This is always a little milestone. But instead of being really pleased, I was just sitting there thinking about all the crap I had eaten that day. Good news... if I still looked like I lost weight (even after eating all that food), then I guess I still had. You can't gain all your weight back in one day of bad eating... even if it was REALLY BAD. So, I'm back on track and looking forward to making more progress...

Yesterday was a good day eating wise. I didn't do any activity, but I am running and weight training tonight. Here is what I ate:

Day 36 - Accidental Free Day

2009-06-23T13:29:00.002-04:00

Every once in a while I wonder about the merits of having a "planned cheat day" each week in order to help me deal with my cravings (and supposedly boost my metabolism). But then I realize that it's just not a good idea for me, the "accidental cheat days" are bad enough, I can't imagine if I planned them too...

Yesterday, I was traveling on business, which is a HUGE issue that I have to deal with. I ate a good breakfast, skipped all the baked goodies at morning meeting break, but the lunch was just so yummy and delicious looking that I took a generous amount AND a dessert. This would not have been a big deal at all, had I stopped there! But, I didn't, I somehow convinced myself that I should just eat what I want for the rest of the day and get back on track in the morning.

When I sat down this morning to try to figure it all out, I came in over 4000 calories for the day! This completely mucked up my daily average for last week! The worst part was... my Mom had a party for her 65th birthday on Saturday, and I was totally good. I didn't drink, only had two bites of appetizers, deprived myself of the delicious looking dessert... and for what??? So I could mess it all up closet eating crap two days later???

I know it would have been much more sensible to indulge within reason at a special event like my Mom's party and NOT like I did yesterday. Plus, I just feel like crap today because of it, my stomach is bloated and I feel yucky.

There is some good news: (1) I weighed myself yesterday morning (before the binging) and I was down to 152.0, (2) Despite all my overeating, I still went out for my 5km run, and (3) I'm back on track with my eating today (even though I actually don't really feel like eating at all!)

I am hoping that if I am good the rest of the week, I can still see some progress, although, I won't expect much of a loss.

Here's my summary from the weekend:

Friday: 1203 calories (6km run)
Saturday (Mom's Party): 1534 calories (60 minutes weight training)
Sunday: 1326 (9km walk)
Monday: Best Guess.. 4287 (5km run)

Weekly Average: 1722

I'm not posting a food log from yesterday, it would be too long... but here are a few of the things I binged on... toast with butter and peanut butter, cinnamon toast, chips with cheese dip, chocolate bar, shortbread cookies...

Day 32 - Weekends

2009-06-19T06:20:00.000-04:00

Weekends can be such a HUGE challenge for me, and they seem even harder now that I have my weigh-in day on Mondays. I am just that much more scared that a little overeating on the weekend will impact my weigh-in...

This weekend, for example on Saturday night, I have a party for my Mom's 65th birthday, I know there will be appetizers, a BBQed dinner, dessert and lots of alcohol. I am dealing with this by skipping the appetizer, having a normal sized dinner, and volunteering to be the designated driver (if all works out as planned)...

Then, on Sunday morning I have a brunch at a girlfriends house - no idea what I will get served, but it's at 10am... so should I eat breakfast at home? Probably not, but I will be starving by 10am... then should I skip lunch? How will I make it to dinner?

On top of all that, Sunday is Father's Day, which means that I really should try to do something special for my husband, the morning will be too hectic to take him out for breakfast, so I should probably cook him something nice for dinner - like steaks with a yummy dessert (more temptation)...

Check back in on Monday to see how I did!

Here's what I ate yesterday...

Day 31 - Sucker for Tracking

2009-06-18T06:14:00.000-04:00

If there is something diet, food or exercise related that can be tracked, you can probably bet on the fact that I am tracking it. For example, here is a view of the excel spreadsheet that I have been using to track my weight loss, calorie intake vs calorie needs, weekly averages etc etc etc etc etc etc....

Weight Loss Goals and Tracking

From this spreadsheet I can create limitless graphs and charts of my progress. I play with it constantly. I track my calories using the Calorie King website (it's my favorite and I have tried many others), and I transfer the totals to this sheet. It might seem like a lot of work, but I think it's fun and I love being able to open it up and see my progress in black and white (and blue and yellow).

This time I have been trying to track my calorie deficit. I know that you have to run a calorie deficit of about 3500 calories before you will lose one pound. So, I have added a formula to my spreadsheet to calculate my BMR (basal metabolic rate) using my most recent weight, and then I add my estimated calories burned through exercise to get a rough total of my calorie needs each day. Yes I know I burn other calories besides the exercise calories, but I didn't add them to help account for the fact that my exercise calories may be overestimated (who ever really knows how many calories you burn doing certain activities). My theory is, if I can figure out my calorie deficit and compare it to my weight loss, I might be able to use that to figure out how many calories I should eat to maintain my weight loss? Who knows, but its worth a shot.

This is part of the reason that I get really weird about having to go out to dinner, or to social events where I can't accurately track my intake. Even if I eat mostly healthy foods, if I can't count the calories accurately, it throws off all my tracking. Am I obsessed? Maybe. But isn't it better to be obsessed with healthy eating and tracking than to be obsessed with eating junk food and lying on the couch?

Here is what I ate yesterday (I also rode my bike to the gym, ran 5.3km in 38 minutes, and did one hour of weight training):

Day 30 - One Month Down

2009-06-17T06:15:00.001-04:00

Well, I am about one month into this new weight loss effort. After one month is about the time when I usually start to feel the impact of my weight loss. It hasn't really become apparent yet to others, but my clothes are a little looser and I just feel thinner and better.

I can tell you from experience that the next month coming up is critical for me. It is fairly easy to run a calorie deficit for about a month, but in the past this is often about the time when I lost my motivation. About 2 weeks of unhealthy eating will undo all the good I've done over the last month and I'd have to start all over again. I can honestly say though, right now my motivation feels quite strong...

If I buckle down and get through the next month, the weight loss will be that much more noticeable, and my motivation will be even stronger. Also, the end will be in sight. Well, actually, I shouldn't call it "the end" that is the problem that I've had before with maintaining my weight loss. It's not the end, it is just a milestone...

I will have to give some thought to my plan for maintenance. How do I tackle it? How much should I increase my calorie intake? For how long should I continue to count my calories... forever? The thought of having to count my calories forever just makes me sad.

Last night wasn't a running night, so I got out my bike and rode to the grocery store to pick up some grapefruit for this morning. It was 10km there and back and it took me about 35 minutes. I haven't rode my bike in years, but I want to start riding more this summer.

Here is what I ate yesterday:

Day 29 - Breakfast Food

2009-06-16T06:53:00.000-04:00

I could probably exist pretty happily on breakfast food three times a day for quite a while before I would get bored. Breakfast is the meal I look forward to the most each day. Breakfast is also the meal that I most love eating out in a restaurant - although I try not to, because I have trouble resisting the "bad" stuff (bacon, eggs, hashbrowns, toast, pancakes, french toast, eggs benedict, etc).

During the week, I try to keep my breakfast fairly simple. One thing remains constant. I start each and every breakfast off with half a grapefruit. I never let myself run out. Grapefruit is mandatory.

Then, I usually switch back and forth between a cold cereal with unsweetened Almond milk (LOVE the Almond Milk) and hot cereal cooked in Almond milk (LOVE the Almond Milk). My favorite cold cereal is Kellogg's Guardian and my back-up is Special K. For hot cereal, I switch between oatmeal, cream of wheat, and oat bran. Always cooked on the stove top (microwaved hot cereal is not the same).

Lately, I have been leaning more often towards cold cereal, and I'll tell you why... While I love the hot cereal, I also love to "pimp it up" with lots of yummy add ins. But the ADD INS can really ADD UP and derail an otherwise very calorie conscious breakfast. Here are some of my favorite add ins for hot cereal:

1. 1 tbsp peanut butter, 1/2 mashed banana and 2 tsp honey.
2. 1/2 mashed banana and 2 tsp molasses.
3. 2 tsp light butter and salt. Then top oats with poached egg and 15g grated cheese.
4. 1 tbsp brownie mix and 1/2 mashed banana (peanut butter too is good here).
5. Cook oatmeal in leftover coffee, then add cocoa and sugar.
6. Grated Apple with cinnamon and raisins.
7. Mashed Pumpkin with pumpkin pie spice and brown sugar.
8. Cook the oatmeal in the juice from canned peaches. Then stir in the peaches with sugar and sprinkle shredded coconut on top.

Over time, I started adding more and more things to my hot cereal until it got a little out of control. So, lately, I will try to limit the add ins to 100 calories. But I can't do some of my favorites (e.g. #1 or #3 above) for 100 calories.

Every Sunday I have a special treat that I look forward to ALL week. Toast! Toast is one of my biggest weaknesses. During times in the past when I have gone on crazy binges, toast has often been the trigger/culprit. I'll just eat slice after slice of toast with butter/honey, butter/jam, butter/molasses... it's dangerous. So every Sunday morning, I let myself have some. Just for two slices of toast, it is a higher calorie breakfast than any of my other days. I make homemade bread, and figure out the nutritional info per gram. Two slices usually comes to around 200 calories, then I'll use 2 tsp of light margarine per slice, and 1 tbsp of some sort of topping (usually a jam or marmalade) per slice. This can add up to 350+ calories, not including my grapefruit. But its worth it, because it keeps me from feeling "toast deprived" which can lead to "toast binges".

Here's what I ate yesterday (see my "cold cereal breakfast"? I had it twice, for breakfast and for a snack after my run!)

Day 28 - An Excellent Weekend

2009-06-15T07:35:00.001-04:00

I had a fabulous weekend in terms of staying on plan. This was in part because we had no social events scheduled for the weekend, so there was nothing to derail me.

I was faced with temptation a few times, but I avoided it, and am pleased with myself. For example, Friday night my husband called to say he was going to be late for dinner. I had some chicken thighs marinating in a fat free yoghurt marinade and I had been planning to go running after dinner. I changed my plans and finished my 5km run before dinner. My husband called at about 7:00pm to say he was on his way home, and asked me if I wanted him to pick up dinner on the way home, and we could save the chicken for Saturday. I said nope! The chicken will only take 15 minutes on the BBQ, once he gets home, and I could wait that long!

The second temptation was Sunday morning. It was my son's last morning of Hockey for the season. My husband suggested that we all go and watch and then go out for breakfast after. This is the sort of thing that I have trouble saying no to. It's not just about the food, it is a fun family outing, and I feel bad sometimes depriving the rest of my (skinny) family from their treats. But, I said no and ate my usual breakfast at home. Next weekend is Father's Day, so maybe we'll do a breakfast out next weekend instead.

Overall, I did good...

Friday I had 1281 calories and Saturday I had 1346 (I had summer rolls with peanut sauce and rice for dinner and I had to eat three of them to fill me up... I thought it would be low cal, but it all added up!)

Here is my food from Yesterday (Sunday):

Day 25 - Stake in the Ground

2009-06-12T06:30:00.000-04:00

I find that when I am on a diet, it is always helpful to have a stake in the ground somewhere. Something to work for. I know that some people argue against this... that you should just aim to live a healthier lifestyle for yourself, and not for others (or for your vanity)... But my philosophy is, if there is something that can provide you with extra incentive and motivation, then use it.

Right now, I have a couple of things that I see out on the horizon that are helping to motivate me to stay on track. June 20 my Mom is having a 65th birthday party. I know it's not far enough away to make a material difference to how I LOOK, but it can make a difference to how I FEEL. And I want to go to this party feeling GOOD. If I'm on track and doing well, I will feel thin, even if I pretty much look the same as I do now. I could potentially lose 4 more pounds before the party, and that is something to strive for.

Another, longer term incentive that I have is the wedding of a friend coming up near the end of September. I am hoping to have reached my final goal by that date.

I also have a non-diet related goal, and that is to run a half marathon. I am planning to sign up for a half marathon on October 11. I have a running partner with lots of marathon experience, and I have already been running for just over a month.

Here is what I ate yesterday:

Day 24 - Firmly seated in Wagon

2009-06-11T07:16:00.000-04:00

I feel much better after getting a full good day of eating and exercising under my belt. I was under my calorie target and I got a ton of exercise. I walked 40 minutes, ran for 30 minutes (4km) and did weight training for 1 hour.

Sometimes it is really hard to get back on track after a few days of being naughty. I kind of want to put if off for "one more day"... just take the opportunity to eat all those things that I miss and then I'll get back on track the NEXT day. What a poor attitude that is, but I play mind games with myself, and I usually lose.

When I am on a roll of being good, it gets easier - my resolve just strengthens.

Here is what I ate yesterday. The calories were good, but there was a notable lack of vegetables. That's not the norm for me (I usually get lots) so it doesn't concern me too much.

Day 23 - Still clinging to Wagon

2009-06-10T07:26:00.000-04:00

I haven't posted for a few days, but I don't want anybody to think it is because I have fallen off the wagon, I haven't (not completely - I am being dragged behind the wagon, but I think I can still climb back on).

Sometimes life just conspires to get in the way of this blogging and posting business. So, I don't have time to put post the details of everything that I ate from Friday to Saturday, but I will give a recap.

Friday - Great Day, I consumed 1251 calories and went for a 4.5km run.

Saturday - I had a dinner out with a group of friends to celebrate a birthday, I was very mindful of what I ordered, and think I did good considering my options. I had shrimp cocktail to start, baked salmon for dinner, a piece of chocolate birthday cake and two glasses of wine. My total came to 1929 for the day (my best guess).

Sunday - I ate 1174 and walked 10km at a pretty good clip.

Monday (weigh in day) - I weighed myself first thing and was down another few to 155.6, which is great, BUT.... I was out of town on business and went out for dinner again. This time I didn't do so great. I ordered cheesecake and my total came to 2576 (although I did run 5.5km in the morning).

Weekly Average (with my two not so great days): 1519. Still overall most likely a calorie deficit. So I'm OK with that.

Tuesday: This was my worst day since I've been on this diet. I did good in the hotel with my breakfast (oatmeal with raisins), but somehow starting at lunch I kind of derailed a bit. I ate too much, had cookies, then ate too much dinner at home, and had chips and salsa before bed. My total came to 2454. Hopefully, spread across the week, my average will still be OK, and I will still post a loss next Monday.

So, in summary, my business trip wasn't really a success, I succumbed to some indulgences. I ate things when I wasn't really hungry for them, and I made some bad choices. Luckily, it was only 1.5 days (three bad meals in total), so as long as I get right back on track today, the damage shouldn't be too bad.

This is exactly the sort of thing that I need to address moving forward. As long as I have days when I overeat like this, I can't just eat normally the rest of the time (I have to eat at a deficit to recover). For example, if I was on maintenance and let's say for arguments sake, my maintenance calories are 1800 per day... then I go on vacation, or out of town and I eat 2500 for a few days. I will gain weight. It's all about the numbers and I KNOW that, it just doesn't make it any easier...